Anna and the Old Man

Anna sat at the table alone, it was an uncomfortable feeling.  Just moments before, her friends had all been with her, laughing and joking, sharing stories, and discussing who was the most eligible bachelor in the room.  There had been some initial debate, but it was finally settled that Oliver Brotherton, the son of a wealthy merchant was the winner, since he possessed both good looks, as well as an income and inheritance.  Almost as soon as the unanimous verdict was reached, Oliver and his friend Thomas had walked across to the table and asked Mary and Elizabeth to dance with them.  The girls had been dumbstruck for a moment, each lost in her own thoughts, wondering if they could possibly have been overheard?  The thought was too monstrous to comprehend.  It was Michael Hillard who pulled them from their reverie, by asking if he might have the next dance with Catherine.  And as the three couples walked to take their places on the floor, that left Anna sitting alone, looking on as the band struck up the chords for the next dance.

For short time she sat at the table looking on, letting her mind run.  What was wrong with her?  Why did she have to be so plain!  It seemed to Anna that she was always the consolation prize when there were no other girls left to dance with.  Her delicate dress, the dress she had spent the last days embroidering, was wasted.  It seemed that no matter how hard she tried to make herself look pretty, it was always destined to fail.  She had never been able to look in the mirror and think of herself as attractive, let alone beautiful.  Some days, she even felt horrified by the person she saw looking back, as if since the time she had last seen herself, she had quite forgotten how she looked, absorbed as she had been in creating her latest sketch or poem.  "Is that really me?", she would ask herself.  She had always felt the ugly duckling of the group and it felt that as time went by, this feeling took hold more and more, like the roots of a weed burrowing deep into the earth.

It is never nice to find oneself sitting alone at a table and to have to look upon others having fun, engaged with each other in fun and merriment, and Anna could bear it no more.  She stood from the table and as quietly and subtly as she could, she left the room.  Once outside in the fresh air, she felt relief wash over her.  It was good to be away from the anxiety and the humiliation that she had been feeling.  Her friends would look for her, she knew they would, but she also knew that they would understand and know that she had left on her own.  After all, it was not the first time such a situation had occurred.  Anna began to walk with no real direction in mind, her feet carried her aimlessly where they would, and her mind wandered in a similar manner. 

The sky of late summer was clear and, once away from the lights of the dance, the brightness of the moon cast shadows on the ground.  Before long, Anna found herself at the river.  Pulled from her reverie by the noise of the rushing water, she walked along the bank of the river until she found a boulder where she could sit.  She kicked off her shoes and hitched up the hem of her dress, so that she could bathe her feet in the coolness of the water.  She sat there for some time, enjoying the peace, tranquillity and the solitude.  Gradually, all traces of the stress from the dance evaporated and Anna began to become herself once more.  She lay back, keeping her feet in the water and gazed up at the stars.

She was still laying there some time later when a voice pulled her back into reality. 

"Hello. May I join you?"

Anna opened her eyes and looked up into the face of an elderly and kind looking man, who was smiling down at her.  He was leaning on the crook of his walking stick, was dressed in plain, grey, woollen trousers and a white cotton shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbow.  On his back, he carried a small pack, and through the straps, he had secured a brown jacket, so that he didn't have to carry it by hand.  He continued to smile down on Anna.

"Would you mind if I joined you for a little while?", he asked again. "I'm sorry if I woke you."

"Oh, no.  I was not sleeping, I was laying here looking up at the stars and for some moments, I closed my eyes to enjoy the peaceful surroundings.  Yes, please sit down if you'd like."

The old man slid the pack from his shoulders and placed it on the ground, before slowly lowering himself down to sit beside Anna.  "How is the water?"

"It's lovely and refreshing.  Just the thing for a warm, sultry night like tonight."

The old man removed his boots and socks, and placed his feet in the water.  The two of them sat there for several minutes, neither wishing to break the silence, perhaps neither knowing what to say to the other.  It was the old man who broke the silence first.

"If you don't mind me asking, why aren't you up at the dance?  Judging by the lovely dress you're wearing, you look as though you should be there with all of the other young people, not sitting by the river with an old man like me."

The question made Anna feel sad and momentarily, she was unable to hide it, until she recovered her composure.  "I was there, but I left.  It seems that no one wished to dance with me this evening."

"I find that hard to believe.  My eyes my not be as they once were, and if you don't mind me saying it, I know a pretty young woman when I see one.  It seems strange that no one would lead you out on to the floor.  If I had my day again, I'd have been proud to have a girl such as you on my arm."

Anna smiled.  "Thank you", she said, "that is very kind of you.  But alas, it is true that no one asked me to dance, and perhaps in the darkness, you do not see me too clearly.  I am no spring flower in bloom.  I am no butterfly on the breeze.  I am the weed in the garden and I am the caterpillar."

Having said these words, she became sad once more and a single tear formed  in the corner of her eye, and ran down her left cheek.  The old man produced a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to Anna.

"My dear, you don't know how wrong you are", he spoke softly.   "Inside of every caterpillar is a butterfly waiting to escape.  And weeds are a plant just like any other flower.  And just like a flower, they play an equally important part in the miracle of life."

"Thank you for the kind words", she turned to the old man and smiled. "but they do not help me to get a dance or make any of the men interested in me."  Then she turned away towards the river so that she could hide the tears that had started to fall once more.

The old man watched her face grew sad.  He could see the sorrow that she was suffering and he felt pained to see such a young person feeling that way.  He wanted to say more, but he remained silent, waiting for the right moment, because he knew that every person needed time to collect their own thoughts, and sometimes the silence spoke more loudly than words ever could.

"It's no use", Anna broke the quiet, "I have to be honest and resign myself to not finding the love that I desire in my life.  It's always been like this.  I've tried so hard to attract a man, but they are never interested in someone like me.  As a young girl, the boys always ignored me.  When we would play kiss-chase in the school yard, I was always the last girl to be captured because none of the boys wanted to run after me."

She grew silent again and the old man let her have her silence for a time.  "And how did it make you feel when the boys ignored you?"

"I guess I felt that I must be ugly.  Just like the duckling in the story.  As time went on, whenever I looked in the mirror, I just saw an ugly face staring back at me.  A person that I did not know or recognise."  Again, she fell silent before continuing.  "I'm sorry, you don't want to listen to my silly prattle.  I'm sure you've got better things to be doing."

"What better thing could I wish to do, than to sit here under the moon and stars, with my feet in the coolness of the river, and with the company of a lovely young woman?"  He smiled, but he was not sure if she could see it.

Anna blushed and was thankful that the old man would not be able to see her scarlet cheeks in the dim light that was cast by the moon.  "I'm not used to receiving compliments.  I've just been feeling so worthless of late.  I was hoping that perhaps by meeting someone at the dance, it would help me recover some of my old spirit and make me feel better."


"I'm sorry to hear that you have been unhappy for so long.  And it is never nice to hear someone speaking of themselves so negatively.  You are far from worthless my dear.  How could someone who possesses such a talent for poetry and drawing be worthless?  The problem is that for too long, you have told yourself that you are ugly and worthless and you have made this the truth for yourself.  I can tell you, it is not how the rest of world views you.  As humans, we manifest on the outside, all that we hold on the inside.  As children, we are very vulnerable, we lack experience and knowledge and we are like sponges.  We take what we hear and what we experience deep into our hearts, and those things become the beliefs that we hold of ourselves.  They become our self-image.  These images of ourselves eventually become self-fulfilling prophecies that we play out throughout the rest of our lives.  I'm ugly.  I'm worthless.  I'll never find love.  I'll always be alone.  I'm not loved."  He paused for a moment.  "Do you recognise any of what I have said in yourself?"   

Anna thought about what the old man had said.  Yes, it did make sense.  She could see how, as a young girl, she had taken the feelings of rejection and made them the truth for herself.  From those feelings of rejection, she had come to the conclusion that she must be ugly.  And from being ugly, she had reached the point where she had felt worthless. 

"Yes, I can see this", she said.  "What you say is very true."  It made her feel very sad to realise the truth of what the old man had said, but at the same time, she felt as if a dark cloud had begun to lift and that a light, not seen for many years, now shone through and split the darkness.  Knowing that this is what she had done to herself, meant that she could now start to do something about it.  "I had not realised until now, that I had done this to myself."

"Yes, the unconscious self does this.  It plants a seed in the soul that grows and slowly takes hold of you, filling you with whatever ideas you formulated about yourself.  This is why all children need to be nurtured, encouraged, held often and told that they are loved.  Without it, self-doubt and worthlessness are created.  In adult life, you begin to seek all that which was denied you as a child, from another person.  You try to fix yourself by seeking out love from the another person."

The old man paused for a moment and looked away into the river and the darkness, as if remembering his own youth.  Anna could see that he was thoughtful and did not wish to interrupt his thoughts.  They sat there in silence for a few minutes, as the waters of the river continued to flow.  Finally, the old man looked up.

"You have to discover peace and love from within, then seek it from without. Only when you love yourself, only when you have forgiven yourself, only when you have accepted yourself, can you truly find meaningful love.  Until that time, you will try to fill the gaps in your own soul using the love of another.  Ultimately, that will never prove to be a successful relationship, since you place a responsibility on the other person for fixing you.  And that is an unfair burden for them to carry."

"I understand", said Anna, "If I do not love myself first, then how or why would anyone else wish to love me?"

"Yes, that is right", the old man smiled.  It was so nice to talk with someone who understood.  Love was humankind's greatest gift and at the same time, it so often proved its greatest Achilles' heel.  "The way to find true and meaningful love is simply this: always follow your heart."  Yes, that was always the best advice in life, the old man mused to himself.  It had always served him well.  "And now this old man must be going.  I still have a distance to travel tonight and it's such a beautiful night for walking."

The old man pulled another handkerchief from a pocket and dried his feet, before replacing his socks and boots, and then he pulled himself to his feet with the aid of his walking stick.  Anna offered him back the handkerchief he had given her and he waved it away.  "No my dear, you can keep that one.  Thank you for sharing the conversation and the river with me."

"Thank you for the talk and the advice.  Take care walking in the dark.  Goodnight."

"Goodnight Anna", the old man called over his shoulder as he faded into the darkness of night.

Anna was startled.  How on earth had he known her name?  Had she told him?  She could not seem to remember having done so, but it was possible that she had.  She sat there for some time, thinking on all that had been said.  She replayed the conversation in her mind, remembering the words the old man had spoken.  She was determined to do something about her life.  To do something about the way she saw herself.  Then something else the old man had said struck her as odd.  How could he possibly have known about her poetry and drawing?  She was sure she had not mentioned those.  Who was he? she wondered, as she started her walk back home, under the stars and with the bright moon for company.  A smile was now on her lips and the first shoots of a new beginning were taking root in her heart.

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The Consequences of Walking the True Path: Letting Go of the Old Life

In my last post, I wrote about the rewards that come from following your heart and walking your true path in life.  That set me to thinking about what might be the consequences, if any, of following that path?  You'll often read or hear people extolling the virtues of following your heart and realising your dreams.  They will tell you how amazing it is, what a positive experience it is, how it changed their lives for the better, and all of this is certainly true.  I would never deter anyone from following their heart and discovering their true calling.  But there are things that I learned on my journey, that I did not consider before I began.  There are consequences in life to everything that we do, and walking your true path is no different.

For me, the hardest realisation to come to terms with, was that I had to let go of my old life.  I lived 35 years in that old life.  I knew it, I knew how to live in it, and I believed it was a trusted friend.  My old life was never bad to me, in fact, it had treated me pretty well.  I never set into motion the changes in my life out of desperation, I did it because I knew that I could no longer go on ignoring my heart and living a lie.  My old life didn't cause me any major problems and I could have continued along that old path for many more years, slowly cruising along, going through the motions, treading water, but never going anywhere that truly meant something to me.  When I set out, I had no expectations of how my life was going to change, and certainly no idea of how I would find the fulfilment and achieve the sense of accomplishment that I have today.  I was a blind man who dared to take a step into the darkness.

In the early days, after I left work and started out, it seemed as though I could stretch out my hand and take a hold of that old life.  I had contacts, I had left the company I worked for on good terms, and I was not going to work for a competitor, or any other company for that matter.  I felt sure that if I wanted it, they would take me back again.  Rightly or wrongly, this gave me a sense of security.  During that first year on my path, I felt the need to try to cling to the old world, like a child clings to their favourite soft toy or blanket for comfort.  I think what I was doing was looking for some sense of self-worth and I thought that the position I had reached in my career had given that to me.  I later came to realise that this could not possibly be true, since your sense of self-worth comes from within and it cannot be generated from external influences and factors.  You achieve a sense of self-worth by walking your true path.

After that first year, I began to see that the way back into the old life was closing on me, if it had ever actually existed in the first place.  The contacts were ebbing away, due to the fast changing nature of the environment in which I had worked, my knowledge and skills were slowly becoming obsolete, and my CV (resume) now had a one year gap to explain.  I either had to jump back in at this point, or I could probably kiss it all goodbye.

It is frightening proposition to consider losing all that once you held dear.  For me, the old life offered financial stability and security.  When I was at work in the office, I knew what to do and I could do it well.  I was trusted and respected for my knowledge, the way I applied it and for my professionalism.  I began to question what would happen if I did not have that financial stability any longer?  Everyone around me was building their lives up, always working towards a better, bigger home, a newer car, a nice holiday, putting money away into a pension.  Doing all of the things that society and culture told them they should do.  I, on the other hand, had systematically taken my life apart, quitting my career, selling my property and all of my assets, and downsizing dramatically.  I felt in some ways caught between two different worlds.  In one hand, I had the old life, stability and conformity.  While in the other, I had a new life, a sense of freedom and inner peace, and with that new life, came uncertainty.

I asked myself if it might be possible to combine both lives, by taking some of what I had discovered on my new path and by applying it to the old?  But I dismissed this idea quickly.  There was no way I could combine the two, and even if I could have done, I don't think I would have actually chosen to do it.  Whichever path I chose, I knew that I would have to be 100% committed to it.  There was no halfway measure.

Which did I choose?  I took the only option that was really open to me.  I drew a deep breath, took a leap of faith, and I followed my heart on to another new adventure and the fulfilment of another dream.  I closed the door to my old life and welcomed in the new.  There was never really a choice to make, only a reluctance to finally say goodbye to the old life, to turn once and for all from the old path.

It will be the same for anyone who chooses their true path over the one that they currently walk.  There is no going back once you leave the old ways.  If you could and you did, how long do you think you would remain happy and content, knowing that there was another way to live, that there existed a path that was more spiritually rewarding and fulfilling?  Could you honestly turn back to the old path and remain true to yourself and your beliefs?  Quite simply, no.

Once you start down the new path, you have to be prepared to say goodbye to your old life.  You need to be 100% committed to your life choice.  You have to be open and ready for everything that is going to happen to you.  Once you close that door on the old life, lock it and throw away the key.  You will not be going back.

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The Rewards of the Path

There are days when you know that life has given you an unexpected and special gift.  I consider yesterday as one such day.

It is difficult to explain the sense of accomplishment and joy that comes from helping an eight year old boy overcome his sense of fear and trepidation, and to take his first breaths on a scuba unit under the water.  Those feelings are further heightened when you know that the poor boy was being coerced into trying it, just to please his extremely pushy and know-it-all father.  It was easy to tell that a lot of the anxiety the boy was feeling was being generated by his father's constant nagging, cajoling and telling him what to do all the time.  However, none of that can detract from seeing the pure joy and elation on this little boy's face after we surfaced and he realised that he had managed to breath under the water for the first time, and that he had enjoyed his first scuba experience.  When he gets back home to Florida, there might just be a little bit of bragging in the school yard.

During the time with the boy, we had a small audience from some of the other hotel guests who were lying around the pool on sunbeds,close to where we were.  One guest, who had been the closest to us and who had watched everything happen, spoke to me as I was packing the gear away.  She said I had showed tremendous patience and understanding, and that I had really engaged with the boy.  It is something special when you hear comments like this.  It became the icing on what was an already very sweet cake.

The experience yesterday, set me to thinking about the rewards that come from walking your path.  When I set out on my journey, I never expected anything other than I would visit some places I had never been to before, I would experience a few new things, meet some new people along the way, and then I would return home to England and pick up my old lifestyle.  In truth, when I began, I really had no clear vision of the end.  I could not bring it into focus in my mind, no matter how hard I tried.  I set off on my journey with a return ticket back to London, at the end of what would be backpacking through South East Asia, Australia and New Zealand.  For some reason, I could not even think past the next town or destination.  Perhaps I could not see the end because I no longer had a home to return to, having sold more or less everything I owned, and I had terminated the lease on my rented apartment.  Perhaps it was that this journey on which I had embarked was just too big to comprehend, too different from anything else I had ever known.  But looking back, I think a lot of not being able to envision the end was because I had forced myself to live in the here and now.  To live in the moment of each day.  I just simply didn't know what was going to come after, so why waste time worrying about it?  I would deal with it, when I needed to deal with it.

The truth is that by walking my path, by daring to follow the calling of my heart, I have seen and experienced things that I had only dared dream of before.  Things that I thought only special people got to witness.  Things that you only ever watched from the comfort of your own living room, on the TV.  The rewards have been far greater and far more numerous than I could possibly have ever imagined.  From a personal point of view, I have evolved as a person.  I've grown spiritually.  I've increased my knowledge, and learned new skills.  I've needed to adapt to new environments and cultures.

The rewards for me have never been financial or material.  Even before I begun this journey, I knew that were true.  On my journey, the rewards are all intangible: new friends, new places, new cultures, new experiences.  I think it was always going to be that way.  My path was chosen in part because I wanted to see what it would be like to only think about food and shelter each day.  In Walden, Henry David Thoreau very eloquently expressed something similar:-

"...I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life."

The rewards that each of us finds on the path, are the rewards that each of us needs to find.  No two people will ever have the same path, nor enjoy the same rewards along the way.  The rewards come to those who dare to take a risk, for those who have the courage to step forth into the unknown, and for those who try something different.  We will never know them before we begin and if we think we do, then we will be surprised along the way.

At the end of it all, there is no reward greater than the reward of knowing that you tried.  Knowing that you cut your own furrow, where others only followed.  Dare to find your own personal truth. The rewards are greater than you can possibly know.

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Discovering True Happiness

I've been thinking for the past few weeks about happiness.  That is what prompted me to write the following quotation that I posted onto Facebook a few days ago:-

"The boy smiled because now he knew.  There was no treasure greater than the treasure of the happiness that comes from following your heart, and of fulfilling your own personal destiny."


I am often asked how can I possibly be happy with my life, when I am living alone, away from my family and friends back in England?  I get asked how can I bear it to keep moving from one place to another?  Don't I want to be settled?  I'm told that it must get lonely and depressing always being alone.  So, why is it then that I don't ever feel lonely or depressed living my life the way that I do?

It wasn't always this way. I've had experiences of loneliness in my life, both as a child and as an adult.  In my childhood, those times would come as a result of starting a new school where I knew no one, or when I had been temporarily ostracised by my group of friends after a falling out.

In my adult life, there would be occasions when I felt retched and lonely because I was single.  For long periods of time, I would be unable to find a girlfriend.  A few of those periods lasted around three years between partners.  I'd have a few dates in that time, but nothing more than that.  During those times of being single, I would beat myself up, telling myself I was worthless, ugly, useless.  My friends and colleagues always seemed to have girlfriends, wives and partners and this generated even more self-created pressure and anxiety about my situation.  What was wrong with me?

There were times when I felt empty in life.  Even though I had stumbled quite by chance into a good career during my mid-twenties, enjoying promotions and business travel, working with some great colleagues, enjoying my working life, I always felt that something was missing.  I had taken out a mortgage and purchased a house, I upgraded my car several times, until I treated myself to my dream car, I bought myself the latest CDs, went to the movies, met up with friends and socialised.  In fact, I did pretty much what everyone else was doing and I did exactly what I was expected to do.  So why did I feel so empty inside and unfulfilled?

When I look back now, I can see that I was unhappy.  I reasoned with myself at the time that the cause of my unhappiness and the empty feeling was because I had no one in which to share my life, no special person to share in my experiences.  I strongly believed that the path to happiness lay with finding someone in which to share life and love.  That having a partner would be the cure for my loneliness and for the unhappiness that I was experiencing.  I thought that having a partner would fix everything that seemed wrong in my life.  A magical cure to all of my problems.  A way to fill the void.

But I was wrong.  I was very wrong.

From the moment that I quit my job, packed up the few things I had remaining and headed off to Asia with a backpack, I began to fulfil my dreams, to walk my true path in life.  I was finally doing something that I had long dreamed of doing and with that, I began to find an inner peace and happiness that I had never known before.  For the first time in my life, I was truly content with everything that I had.  The choice to be where I was and to do what I was doing was mine, it was of my own making.  Therefore, it became impossible for me to feel sad or lonely any longer.  Instead, I found something quite extraordinary, something I never expected and it was something incredibly powerful.  I discovered happiness.  Not a transient or short-term kind of happiness.  This was a happiness that was rooted in the very fibre of my being.  It was the essence of me.

With this new found feeling, everything else changed.  My eyes opened and it felt as if I had finally woken up, as if in all the time that preceded this moment, I had been asleep.  I felt that the great truth of life had been revealed to me.  For all my life up to this point, I had been seeing, but not actually seeing.  I began to see life all around me and it filled my soul with joy.  Everything in nature took on a new meaning.  I marvelled at the wonders of creation.  I no longer just saw a bird in flight, I saw a miracle of life.  I truly realised for the first time that every thing that exists on this planet, and in this universe, is actually part of the same thing.  That everything is part of the one thing only.

I was now experiencing happiness because of me, because of my choices.  If I was walking alone along the beach, or sitting alone at a restaurant, it was because I had chosen it.  No one else could be at fault.  There was no one to blame except for myself.  It didn't matter to me that I had no partner in which to share the moment.  I was simply sharing it with myself, giving myself a gift.  I realised later that by choosing to walk my path, I had given myself the ultimate gift.  The gift of love.

There was another realisation that I experienced, that even through the times when I didn't have a partner, I had never been alone.  My heart had always been with me, keeping me company, talking to me.  It was just that for so many years, I had chosen not to listen, not to heed the words that it spoke.  Now that I was walking my path, I embraced my heart, I heard its voice.  We became inseparable friends.  I knew that I would never stop listening to it, even if the words that it spoke to me were sometimes difficult words to hear.

True happiness comes from within each of us.  It resides there, waiting to be discovered.  I learned that you cannot obtain happiness from someone else.  By daring to realise my dreams, I found a sense of stability and peace that had eluded me throughout my life.  Perhaps it would have been better to learn that lesson earlier, but that was not my path.  All that was important was that I reached that point.

And this is why I no longer feel loneliness, why I can be away from my family and friends in England and why I don't feel the need to be settled in my life right now.  Perhaps one day I will return, I will settle and be content, but that will only happen when the time is right and it is the next stage on my journey.  Until then, I will continue to walk the path of my own making and to continue to fulfil my dreams.  

If you want to discover happiness, go in search of your dreams.  On the journey along your chosen path is where you will discover your true treasure.  The treasure of happiness.  And there is no greater gift that you can give to yourself.

 ______________________________

All Paths Must Return

The old man had been walking since early that morning.  He could not say exactly why, but he had felt compelled to walk out into the woods, to go and see his beloved waterfall one more time.  With a small pack on his back, he had set out shortly after sunrise to make the hike up to his favourite spot.  In his younger days, he used to make this journey as often as possible, but it had long since become an arduous task and the number of times he would make it, gradually became less and less.  It was necessary to stop and rest often along the way, his limbs seemed to resist his efforts and he need to recover his shortness of breath.  His body may have been old and resisting him, but his eyes had lost none of their fire of determination.

Shortly after midday he had reached his destination and he sat on a boulder in the shade by he side of the splash pool at the foot of the waterfall.  It could not be considered a spectacular waterfall by any means, the falls were no more than forty feet high and the stream that made them was rarely a raging torrent, but that was not important.  What had made this place so special to the old man was the peace and tranquility that it gave to him.  It afforded incredible views across the valley and to the mountain peaks around.  Save for the sound of the falls, it was peaceful, undisturbed.  It had become a place of quiet meditation, a place of refuge and of solace.  The old man had spent many nights camping here under the stars, but today, he planned to be home for dinner.  He had a date with cold beer and a pot roast that he did not wish to miss.

The old man surveyed his surroundings taking in the stunning view, the blue of a cloudless sky, the peaks of the mountains,the trees and bushes that grew on the mountain side, the rock boulders, the deep pool of icy cold water, the white mist of spray and the stream of never-ending water that cascaded down the mountain side, creating an arc of multicoloured light in the afternoon sun.  A realisation hit him and the old man smiled.  And that smile became a broad grin that threatened to tear apart the old weather-beaten leather of his face.  The grin become a laugh and the old man sat alone on his boulder, chuckling to himself.  He was experiencing a deep connection to everything that was around him.  In a single moment, he saw everything in a vision of startling clarity.  He saw the life that he had led and he realised that he was there, in that moment, because he had chosen to be.  He was there because he had gone in pursuit of his dreams.  He knew that the feelings he was experiencing at that moment in time came because his heart was happy and content.  And because of that, he was experiencing a deep connection with everything that was around him.  A thought came to his head, "I am the rock on which I sit, I am the water in the pool, I am the trees, I am the mountains, I am even the sun in the sky!  I am in everything and everything is in me."  It was a powerful thought and as soon as it occurred to him, he felt the truth of it.  And then a voice spoke beside him.

"It's always nice to hear a person laugh.", the voice said softly, "What was so funny?"

Startled out of his reverie, the old man turned to see that the voice belonged to a young girl, who was sitting on the boulder next to his.  He was taken aback with surprise but managed to hide it quickly.  How had she managed to get there unnoticed he wondered?  His hearing was not what it once had been and he surmised that probably she had arrived when he was lost among his thoughts.  He turned so that he could look at her properly.  She looked young, which was no real surprise as most people appeared young to him these days.  Her hair was a golden blonde and was swept back behind her ears, falling freely down her back and framed a face of fair complexion.  She was wore a simple white linen dress, cinched at the waist with a cord.  She was pretty he decided, the kind of girl he would have liked to buy a drink when he had his youth.  What struck the old man as strange however, was that her feet were bare, which might explain how she was able to sneak up on him, but surely she could not have hiked up here with no shoes or boots?  Probably she had removed them just before approaching the pool so as to not make a sound.

"I had just been reflecting on how beautiful it is here", he replied.  "This has long been my favourite place to come and to contemplate life.  But I've not been up here for a while and I wondered if perhaps it might have changed, or if I might feel differently.  Luckily, neither was true.  I was laughing because I simply could not help it.  I felt a moment of profound happiness.  I realised that I had fulfilled my dreams in life and I felt completely in tune with my soul and my surroundings, and in that moment, it seemed as if my very heart was singing to me."

He felt that perhaps he had said too much to this strange girl by his side.  He had no idea who she was or where she had come from, and he felt rather foolish for talking in this way about dreams and his singing heart.  After all, what could a young girl know about such things?  But he had found that he wanted to talk about it and to share it with someone.  He remembered a time long ago, when he had been informed by some friends that a man should not talk of such things and that if he did want to talk, he should talk about sport, hunting, cars and other manly topics.  He had always believed in speaking honestly and truthfully of his emotions and feelings, and he never saw a reason to change.  At the time he had reasoned that if people could not understand, then that was their problem, and he would never worry about it.

"I'm sorry", he added, "I'm talking gibberish in my old age.  Forgive the mutterings of a foolish old man."

"There is nothing to forgive.  I think it is wonderful that you had this moment because they are rare.  When it happens, it is because you have established a connection to every thing that exists in the universe.  Not many people are so lucky to experience such a moment in life.  And there are not so many that understand the true language and nature of the heart.  I am honoured to meet such a person.  Have you always felt this way about life?"

"No, it has not always been so.  In the early part of my life I ignored the voice of my heart and I was never able to find happiness.  I would have times when I felt happy, but they never seemed to last very long.  A week, maybe a month or two, but then I would feel sad again and sometimes lonely.  Then something happened to change my life and I began to see everything differently.  It was not a sudden shift in perception, but a gradual change.  Then at some point, I just decided that I could no longer ignore what I was feeling, and I began to follow my heart.  Ever since that time, I have felt a deep sense of happiness and I have never felt alone."

"Yes, I know exactly what you mean.  Many years ago I felt lost and lonely. Although I was surrounded by family and friends, I could not seem to find my way.  My brother got married and then my younger sister too, but I could never find anyone to settle down with and I always blamed myself when my relationships didn't work out.  Then, I took a chance and I booked a journey I had always wanted to make.  In the beginning, only making the journey was important, but once I had begun, I too felt my heart awaken and I knew that I must continue to do what it told me to do.  I no longer felt the fear of being alone because I would never be alone, as long as I followed my heart, I would always have it as a companion.  Tell me, after you started to follow your heart, did you also begin to notice the omens that appeared as you walked your path?"

The old man decided that since the girl was so young, it was not possible that the events she was retelling could have happened to her many years before.  He decided that she must be relating a story that she had heard from another person in order to make herself appear more intelligent and wise.  But he really didn't mind.  It was nice to have someone to talk with about these matters.

"Yes", he said, "Once I began to follow my heart I was able to notice what I called the signs, that began to appear before me.  I noticed that rainbows always held a particular significance for me.  If a rainbow appeared, then I knew I was on the right path or that my decision was the right one.  Perhaps it is because I have always been drawn to water that rainbows appeared so often, because a rainbow needs the drops of water to act as a prism to refract the light."  He was quiet for a moment.  This was a moment of revelation to the old man.  "I never thought of that before.  In all my years, I never made the link between water and the sign of the rainbow but now it is clear.  My path was always meant to lead me to water.  An absence of water would mean an absence of the sign that indicated I was on my right path, simply because I could not be."

"You are fortunate that you recognised the sign that was important to you.  The signs appear to every single person, but not everyone is able to see or to read them.  Many people stumble through their entire life with their eyes closed to what is obvious.  But not every path can be the same.  Each person must define their own path and each person must walk the journey of their own making.  Each soul must find its own way back."

Who was this young girl who spoke in this manner? he wondered.  She seemed much older and spoke in such a way that would suggest she was much older than she looked.  "What do you mean, each soul must find its own way back?", he asked.

"Since the dawning of creation, since the moment when it all begin, the first path was created.  And from this one path, all other paths have led.  The point where you are now has it's beginnings in the dawning of that one single moment, in that one single spark that created the universe, that created life.  And so it is, as it has always been, that we are all part of the one thing.  And to complete the cycle of life, so we must return to the point in which it all began.  All paths lead to that place."

All the paths leading away and all of the paths going back.  The old man could picture it in his mind.  Then something occurred to him.  "Are saying that even if I was unable to see and to read the signs that appeared before me, I would still end up in the same place?  That no matter what I did, nothing would have made a difference?"

"Everything that you have done, every decision that you have made, every difficult choice that you took, every person that you met, every experience that you've had, every emotion that you've felt, they have all led you to here, to this place, to this moment, to now.  They have all been part of your journey along your path.  Some people never get to live out their destinies and continue to live their lives with sadness, feeling unfulfilled.  Ask yourself, if you had known that you would return to the same place as every other soul, would you have changed the way in which you lived your life?"

The old man didn't need to think about it.  "No", he replied.  "No, I would not.  I would not alter a single thing because otherwise I would not be here in this moment, enjoying this conversation with you.  By the way, I wanted to ask you, just how did you get here?"

The girl looked into the eyes of the old man and she smiled kindly at him.  "I have always been here," she said.  "I was waiting for you to come back again, so that we could have this talk.  And I have enjoyed it immensely.  But as in all of life, nothing can ever stay the same forever.  And now I must go.  Would you like to come with me?"

The girl stood and held out her hand to the old man.  He looked at the hand, then he looked up at her face and in that face, he saw pure love.

The girl noticed his look.  "It is a reflection of you", she said.

For the first time, he saw the bright light that was now radiating all around her.  He raised himself off the boulder and looked around so that he might take in the view.  He said goodbye to the waterfall and said a quiet thank you for its company.  Then he turned to the girl.  "I am ready", he said and he took the hand that had been offered.  Together, they took a step forward and as they did, he turned his head to look back over his shoulder.  In that final moment, he was able to see the arc of colours of the rainbow in the waterfall one last time.  He smiled, "Thank you", he said and then together they stepped into the light.

___________________________________

We Are The Fighters

Once you have reached the decision to change your life, or having already taken steps along the path towards achieving your dreams, you will encounter certain moments when you come face to face with the spectre of doubt.  When this happens, there is no need for fear.  Doubt provides us with an opportunity to test our courage. 

Having realised that there is another way to live your life, you will find that maintaining the momentum to change it can be difficult.  This becomes increasingly more difficult if you are surrounded by people who do not understand the motivation behind, or the ideal of what it is that you wish to achieve in your life and for yourself.  There will always be doubters and dissenters.  Never view them as the enemy.  They are actually your friends.  They are challenging you, making you question your resolve and they will make you ask yourself why you want this other life?  You can use that to your advantage. 

Confucius said that the green reed that bends in the wind is mightier than the oak tree that breaks in the storm.  In the situation where someone is disparaging your choices, or being negative about them, you have to be the reed and let everything flow over you and around you.  But more than this, you have to take that negative energy and turn it around.  Turn it into something useful and positive.  This is how a fighter uses the power of their opponent and turns it against them.  And in this world, we are fighting for the choices that we believe in. 

You should be aware that your greatest opponent could be someone very close to you.  The closer someone is to you, the more they feel they have to lose by you changing and moving away from the person that they once knew.  Their image of you is threatened.  They would perhaps rather that you remained the same person because it makes them feel safe.  It doesn't challenge them to look at their own lives and ask the questions, "Did I go in pursuit of my own dreams?", "Am I following my heart?".  The answer will be no to both questions.  Why?  Because anyone who has realised their own dreams and who is walking their chosen path would offer you encouragement, support and help.  They would want to see you achieve all that you desire.  This person may claim to love you, but ultimately, they cannot love you unconditionally, because they attach a price to their love.  And that price is that you remain exactly as they want to see you.  Evolving and changing is part of life.  Without the ability of nature to evolve, nothing that we see today in the natural would exist.  Trying to stop you from evolving as a person, is to try to hold back the force of nature itself.

It is not only individuals that we must fight against, it is the entire cultural and social system in which we live and to which we must not only contribute to, but also to conform with, in an expected way.  Individuals are protected within the cocoon of this society.  If we follow the rules and conform, then we are led to believe that everything will be okay.  Anyone who thinks, speaks or acts in an unexpected manner is frowned upon.  It has always been this way and it always will be.  Different will always be bad until the majority adopt the different.  But being different does not make you wrong.  Finding your own approach and method to contribute in a positive way can only be considered as good.  It may be different to what is the accepted norm, but that in no way makes it wrong.  I am not advocating anarchy.  I am only advocating that each person must find their own way - their own personal path.  History is littered with individuals who thought differently, who were ahead of their time - or perhaps just out of their time.  They persevered, many of whom were persecuted for their ideals.  The teachings of Jesus for example.  His beliefs set him apart and he gave the ultimate sacrifice.  Now, those ideals are adopted and accepted around the world.

So, against individuals and against notions of what is right in society you must take a stand.  Dare yourself to be different.  Be bold.  Be brave.  For you are never alone in the fight.  When everything seems against you, take these moments and use them to check your own courage and to examine your own convictions.  Life will test you.  There is no doubt about that.  If you are true to your heart, you can never be defeated.  We are the fighters. 


We Are The Fighters
We are the fighters for good
We are the fighters for change
We are the fighters who follow their hearts and go in pursuit of their dreams
We are the fighters who will live with no regrets
We are the fighters for our own freedom
We are the fighters for life
So draw your sword
Take a breath
And walk tall into the battle
For we are the fighters
And with the power of our hearts
We shall never be defeated.

Dear Heart

There are times in life when we should give thanks for the journey and to our constant companion and loyal friend.  That friend is your heart.  Treat it well.  Look after it.  Your heart is always looking out for you.

______________________________

Dear heart,

You have shown me so much and we have enjoyed many good times together, which I will always cherish.  You have been with me when the road was tough and I was not able to see my way forward.  When I needed a light to shine through the darkness, it was you who brought the light.  You were there when I suffered, when I felt pain, anguish and sorrow.  You did not desert me.  You waited for me, until I was ready to go on again.  You have shown me what it means to love.  And you have let me experience the pain of loss.  You leaped for joy with me and felt my excitement when I saw the most amazing sights and heard the most incredible sounds.  You opened my eyes to the miracles of life that happen all around me.  You were there when I was among family and friends and loved ones, and you have kept me company when I was alone.  You have shown me what it means to have courage and you have shown me what it means to have fear.  You have taught me the lessons of forgiveness and compassion for others.  You have taught me that whatever path I chose to walk in my life, there is always a price that must be paid.  When I needed someone to talk to, you were there and when I needed to hear a friendly voice, it was always your voice that called out to me.

You are a gift dear and precious heart and for this, I thank you.

Forever your companion and friend,

Andy

Seeing Through Time

The sun was just risen, marking the beginning of another day.  The old master sat on the grass of a clearing in the forest, head bowed, legs crossed beneath him, his three students sat facing him in similar pose.  They were all silent, deep in meditation, just as they were every morning at this time, the only sounds were those of the forest as it awoke.

The master lifted his head, reached down his hand and rang the small bell that lay in the grass at his side, next to his skin of water.  The bell indicated that the meditation was now at an end.  Everyone rose to their feet in a single, slow and fluid motion.  It was customary to go back for the morning meal at the school, before beginning chores and daily lessons, and the students waited for the master to indicate that they should go.  Instead, the master spoke.

"What is the furthest that you can you see?", he asked them.

The question surprised the students because they were unaccustomed to their master speaking with them at the morning meditation session.  They had always come here and left again in complete silence.  One of the boys looked around him and answered quickly.

"I can see as far as the school building that is down the pathway."

"An answer", said the master.

The boy who had spoken felt embarrassed because he now knew that this was not the correct answer.  In his haste to impress the master, he had answered quickly, stating only the obvious.  The other two students stood silently, thoughtful, before the second boy spoke.

"Master, may we take a walk to the top of the mountain?", he asked.

The master hoisted his water skin over his shoulder.  "Yes, I do believe it is a good morning for a walk", he replied, "Please lead the way."

So, the second boy led the way to the top of the mountain.  It was cool when they started to climb, but as the morning wore on, and the way became steep, it soon became hot.  They stopped for a short rest and the master shared his water with them.

"Do we need to go higher?", he asked the boy.

"Yes, my master.  We must go right to the very top."

They climbed on in the heat and by midday they had reached the summit, which was marked by a simple wooden cross and a cairn of stones.  Each of them added a stone to the pile, as was the tradition on all mountains.  After they had shared the water skin once more, the second boy spoke.

"Master, I will answer now.  I can now see to the furthest horizon.  I can see to the edge of the ocean.  I can see to the edge of the land.  This is how far I can see."

The master was pleased.  This was a good answer.  Th boy had shown initiative, insight and thought.  And he had displayed courage in asking them all to climb the mountain and to lead the way, in order that he may give his answer.  This is a good student the master thought.  He will do well.  Then he turned to the girl. 

"You have not given me an answer to my question.  How far can you see?", he asked her.

"I would have us all sit down and wait master", came the reply.

"But I'm hungry!", exclaimed the first boy.

The master simply said, "We will wait", but he made a note that this boy would probably have to finish his studies and leave the school.  He was not a suitable candidate to progress, since he failed to understand the lesson of patience.

They all sat down on the rocky mountain top to wait.  It was hot with no shelter from the sun that glared down on them from a cloudless sky.  They each induced a state of meditation, to wait in calm and silence until the girl was ready.  The sun moved slowly across the sky and began its decent toward the horizon in the west.  It would soon be setting.

The boy who had complained before stood.  "This is ridiculous! She has no answer and it will be dark soon.  She won't be able to see anything in the dark and we will be unable to get back down the mountain until tomorrow."

The master broke from his trance and looked up at him.  "So be it", was all he said.

The boy kicked at a few stones around before sitting back down again to wait some more.

Night fell and with it the complete darkness and silence that comes only from being in wilderness.  The temperature began to drop, bringing welcome relief from the heat of the day.  Finally, the girl stood up.

"I am ready to give my answer now master."

"Please go ahead.  How far can you see?"

"I can see to the heavens, to the stars in the sky.  I can see the distance from the star that is furthest on my left, to the one furthest to my right, and that is a distance immeasurable.  But more than this, I can see through time and I can see through space."

"Thank you", was all the master said and he smiled in the darkness.  This had been a very good day.  He had found one good student but more than this, he had found his new disciple.

_________________

Inspired by my nightly walks along the beach road under the dazzling array of the stars of the night sky.

One Simple Word

Not for the first time, Joshua felt frustrated.  He closed the book and pushed it to the far side of his table then he turned quickly away, to look out of the small window that gave the light to his room.  He could no longer face the book, it seemed to repulse him and in that moment, he needed for it to be as far away from him as possible.  If he could have done, he would have thrown it out of the window to give vent to his frustration, but books were objects of learning and therefore to be given the utmost respect.  Just like all teachers.  It didn't seem to matter how hard he studied, it made no difference which method he used, it didn't matter how much time he dedicated to his books, Joshua just could not seem to make progress.  All of the other boys he had started with had long since completed the training and had moved on, becoming missionaries to spread the word and the teachings to the rest of the world.  Only Joshua remained behind, knowing that if he did not complete his studies by the time the new trainees arrived, he would have to leave as a failure.  And just as the water of the river flows ever on toward the ocean, so that day was fast approaching.

Through the small window, life was going on as it always did.  Outside, in the peaceful calm of this place, the monks went about their daily chores and habits: there were monks tending the gardens; in the shade of a palm, two sat mending the fishing nets; on the lawn, a few sat cross-legged, deep in meditation; some were sitting reading; and Joshua could see two hooded figures walking around the paths in quiet conversation.  One of these he knew was his teacher.  Not for the first time, Joshua felt ashamed.  All of these people had managed to do what he could not do.  He must be stupid!

Wearily, he turned back to his table and opened his book once more.  He stared blankly a the page in front of him.  It might just as well have been written in a foreign language.  Nothing made sense.  It wasn't the words that he could not read.  No, that had never been a problem - he had been able to read a book even before his elder brother.  It was the message in the words that he could not decipher.

He did not know how long he had been sitting there, staring at the book, lost in thought, when a gentle knock came at open the door.  Joshua looked up to see his teacher standing there.

"May we speak Joshua?", the teacher asked and then motioned for Joshua to follow.

Joshua closed his book, stood from his simple wooden stool and followed.  They walked along the short corridor, down the stairs and out through the gardens.  In accordance with the custom, Joshua walked a step behind his teacher.  The teacher walked with purpose, head still covered, so Joshua was unable to read any expression or to guess the nature of the conversation that was to come.  Outside, they crossed the gardens and headed out through the front gate and followed the path down to the beach.  Once on the beach, they walked on for a few minutes more, until finally the teacher stopped and turned to face Joshua.

"Joshua", the teacher said simply.

"My teacher", came the reply.  It was the custom and the expected way to begin a conversation.

The teach continued.  "Joshua, you have been a good student.  No one could question your dedication and commitment to your studies.  I have witnessed it, as have many others.  You are commended for such commitment.  But, as you know, you have not progressed passed a certain point.  This is a failing."

Joshua looked down at the sand. Yes, it was a failing.  He was a failure.  He felt so ashamed and a tear escaped from his eye and tricked down his nose to fall onto the dry sand.

"Look at me Joshua."  Joshua lifted his head to look into the shadowy face of his teacher. "The failing is not yours.  The failing is mine.  I am your teacher.  I have failed to find a way to help you to progress.  It is I who am ashamed."

This made no sense to Joshua.  How could his teacher be ashamed of something that he had failed to do?  After all, all of the other disciples had succeeded with this teacher.  Joshua remained silent, unsure of what to say.

"I have been asked to tell you that you must leave us Joshua.  It is over for you.  I am sorry."

"But the new trainees do no begin for two months more!  I still have time."  Joshua felt his world beginning to collapse around him.

"It has been decided.  There is no more time.  You will leave at first light tomorrow."

Joshua looked down at the sand again.  He felt utter shame.  He felt a complete failure.  No one had ever failed before.  The irony struck him.  He had always wanted to be remembered for what he did in his life, but this was not how he had imagined it.  "Perhaps dreams do not always come true in the way we imagine", he thought out loud.

"Yes, that is true Joshua.  There is always another way to see life, always another way to see a situation.  It is not always as we perceive it with our own eyes.  But for those who believe, dreams always come true, as long as they are dreams conceived in the heart."

They stood silently on the beach for a time, each lost in their own thoughts.  The waves of the great ocean rolled in and pulled back.  A pair of fisher birds flew overhead.  The silence was broken by the teacher.

"As I told you, I am the one who has failed and for this, I must pay the price.  I also will leave this place tomorrow and I will head out as a missionary once more, so that I may think on what has happened and find a solution and peace once more amongst the people.  I will not be allowed to return here again."

"But that is unfair!  You have done nothing wrong."

"It is the custom Joshua and as such, it must be respected and followed.  Before we parted, I wanted to give you one last piece of knowledge.  I am not sure if I am permitted to do this thing, but something tells me that I should."

With that, the teacher pushed back the hood.  "Since I am no longer a teacher, I am not permitted to wear the hood any longer."

Joshua stood looking, trying desperately not to stare.  He had long known that his teacher was a woman, but he had never expected this.  She was beautiful!  And she was so young!  Perhaps only a year or two more than he was.  There was a silence for a few moments.  Joshua waited for his teacher to continue.

"You have seen the waves on the beach many times.  But do you really see them?", the teacher asked.

Joshua looked.  Of course he saw the waves!   Was he blind as well as stupid?

The teacher continued.  "Each time a wave rolls in, it moves the sand, which alters the beach, which changes life.  This is how it has been since the dawning of time and creation.  Because the whole of the universe is built upon one simple word..."

With that, the teacher bent down and wrote a single word in the sand.  Love.

Coincidence?

Last night, I went out to a bar to meet up with some friends and to watch a band, Local Legend, who I had seen many times before.  They're a rock covers band and belt out some very good tunes - their lead guitarist is one of the most amazing guitarists I've ever had the pleasure of watching and listening to live.  Sometimes in life, you just have to marvel at a person who possesses such an incredible talent and realise that what you are witnessing is something very special: a culmination of talent and passion.   And who would have thought you would find such a thing in the sleepy backwaters of Playa Flamingo?

Amongst the songs played by the band is one of my favourites, Dream On by Aerosmith.  Is it purely coincidence that one of my favourite songs is about following your dreams?  When I first discovered the song, it was because I was at the time (1989) really into Aerosmith.  Love in an Elevator had been riding high in the charts, Pump by Aerosmith was my favourite album, and I decided that I wanted to get to know more of music of this band.  Permanent Vacation was added and then at a record fair, I found their first album on vinyl, Aerosmith, released in 1973. When I got home and put it on for my first listen, one song stuck out more than any other, Dream On.  How was I to know at that time the meaning that this song was to have for my life?  I was clueless, uncertain of the future and saw life superficially.

But is this really a coincidence?  I'm not sure that it is.  There are many decisions and choices that we have to make in life.  At the time, we have no idea how profound an impact even the simplest decision can have.  Just as in the butterfly effect, tiny and innocuous vibrations in the air can lead to a hurricane.  I am convinced that at the root of every decision is an undercurrent of subconsciousness.  Our subconscious self makes decisions that lead us ever onwards, toward our destinies.  Our hearts know the true path and they quietly guide us, taking us to the places we need to go, to the things that we need to experience and to find the people that we need to meet.

Take for example my meeting with my spiritual teacher, the person I credit with awakening my slumbering spirit.  We were colleagues on the same project at work.  I was the lead in the UK, he was my counterpart in South Africa.  I needed to go to South Africa for three weeks to meet the team and to help them and as I was going to be there for three weekends, I wanted to see some wildlife and something of the country.  I wrote an email and asked if there were any places to see some game that I could visit.  In his reply to me, he asked how I felt about making a weekend trip to a game reserve and to sleep out on the trail under the stars? I wrote back, telling him how he had no idea how much that was just the perfect thing that I would like to do.  So, after two days of business, we headed out together in his car for a weekend of camping and hiking in a game reserve.  During the evenings, we talked around the campfire about life and it was because of these conversations, that I started to think differently.  I began to let my true self surface.  This sleeper began to wake.

A few years later, in a taxi in Budapest, a friend hands me a copy of The Alchemist.  A simple and friendly act that would change everything for me.  How had I ended up in Budapest, at that exact moment, in that taxi, with that person, who had that book in her bag?  Everything, and I literally mean every thing, that I had done, every decision I had ever taken, led me to that moment.  It put me in the right place at the right time.  I was given an opportunity.

No, I don't believe in coincidence.  Coincidence is the manifestation of every previous action.  We are guided by our hearts towards what is right for each of us. The heart always knows.  The great lesson of life is actually very simple: follow your heart, always.

Dream on.  It's the same message.  Believe in your dreams, follow your heart.

"Sing with me, sing for the year, sing for the laughter, sing for the tear, sing with me, just for today, maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away."

So, before I was conscious of anything, I had already selected a song with meaning for my life.  Only later would I come to realise the significance of it.  For all of my life, the same message has come to me in different guises: Dream on.  Carpe diem.  Follow your dreams.

There is no coincidence.  It is, as it has always been.  As it will always be. 


The Many
The many decisions we make
The many paths we might take
The many choices that we face
Hammer and chisel
To shape our lives
Guiding us ever on
Toward what is right
Revealing what is needed
Reach out and take it
It is yours
Freedom awaits
Unbind the chains and shackles
Let your spirit run free
Spread your wings
And soar once more
As you once did
Cry out in joy
Give thanks to your heart
For you have arrived.

Barefeet and Board Shorts

This afternoon, I decided to take myself off down to the beach to read a little, to watch the waves of the ocean, and as is always more than likely, to swim.  I just cannot keep myself out of the water, it has always been mesmerising to me.  It lures me in, calling softly to me, until I can resist it no more.  It has always been this way and it always will be.  As I cycled along the short stretch of road that runs alongside the beach of Playa Potrero, a thought came unbidden to my head, which caused me to smile and then I found that I could not stop myself from grinning.

The thought was a simple one:  I was cycling barefoot and wearing only a pair of board shorts, while cycling along the side of a beautiful beach in Costa Rica, with a hot sun shining down upon my naked skin.

It occurred to me in that moment that I was, after all, living my dream.  This may not seem like a big deal, there are probably thousands of people who get to do this every day, but that is not the point.  The point is simply this:-

No matter how big or small you may think your dream, by realising it you will find happiness and contentment.  You will experience emotions that come from the very core of your soul.  You will know the truth of it because your heart will speak of it to you. And you will not stop from smiling when you realise it.

There are always bigger dreams.  There are always other paths to walk.  Every once in a while though, you have to take a moment to give thanks for all the achievements that you have made, all of the battles that you have won, and for all of the steps that you have taken along your chosen path.

In these moments, I give thanks to the Creator for all that I have experienced.  I give thanks for having the courage to set out and for having the courage to continue, even in those times when the road becomes difficult and the future is uncertain and hidden from my view.


I am here,
I am now,
I am alive,
I am all things,
And all things are me,
My soul cries out in joy,
My heart runs free,
I am everything,
I am me.

The Monotony of Life and Knowing There is a Light

When does doing the same thing over and over become monotonous and boring and at what point does it become the key to a successful, fruitful and meaningful way of life?
 

I believe that there is actually no escaping the fact that life will eventually become the same every day, unless you have the ability to make constant changes, such as to travel.  But even if you travelled, you could argue that eventually you would be in the routine of bus/train etc... finding a place to stay, explore, move on and repeat.  Life is routine.  It is intrinsically part of living.  Get up, eat, do something, eat, do something, eat, do something, sleep.

Now, does that mean that there is no hope of escaping from the monotony of routine?  Absolutely no. 

What makes life monotonous and boring is when you find yourself performing a task that you do not really want to be doing.  Then you are living a life without passion and when this happens, you cease to connect with your heart.  It is when you catch yourself saying, "If only I was doing..."  And when that happens, capture the thought, make a note of it, write it down, because it could be the key to your future happiness - no matter how ridiculous or far fetched it may seem at the time.  At a later time, if you find yourself contemplating the question of what is it that I want to do with my life? then remember these thoughts.

If you have no passion for what it is you are doing, then you never give yourself fully to the task before you.  The focus of your mind wanders and you drift away.  Take a conversation.  You can be speaking with someone and the conversation is fine, it passes the time.  But if you speak with someone who's words inspire you and touch a place in your heart and soul, you feel as if you never want time to move forward and the conversation to end.  You lose yourself in that moment and everything else around you ceases to exist - there is only you and the other person.

But it is not only what you are doing that may be important.  It is also worth considering the where?  Ask yourself the following:-

- Am I living in a place that inspires me?
- Do I feel that my surroundings add to the quality of my life or detract from it?
- Do I feel peace and contentment in my heart when I look around me?
- Am I able to pursue my passion in this place?
- Are there people around me that inspire and push me? 

If you answer no to any of these questions, then perhaps it is time to move on.  Your surroundings can make an enormous difference to how you feel about life and what you do.  The ability to see the ocean or the mountains.  The opportunity to connect with inspiring and like-minded people.  The options to pursue those things that interest you.  

By immersing yourself in a culture and the surroundings of what gives you passion in life, it will help to nurture that passion and in turn, feed back into the community in which you live.  Your passion adds to the collective and helps it to grow and to inspire others. 

For as long as I can remember, I harboured a dream of living on a tropical beach.  One early morning back in 2006, as part of my divemaster in training (DMT) duties, I was sweeping sand off the decking out front of the dive shop and I paused for a moment to take in my surroundings.  In that simple moment of looking down the arc of beautiful, white sand beach, I knew I had fulfilled my long held dream.  I laughed to myself at the absurdity of the situation.  Only five months before, I had still been enjoying a good career at a large corporate and here I was with a broom in my hand sweeping sand.  But the sweeping was not the important factor, it was the where and the why I was doing it that gave me passion and made me want to do it the best that I could.  It's the way I feel when I am floating in the ocean, or riding a boat over the sea. I feel an uprising, a swelling of my heart. I cannot help but smile and be happy with life because I am doing the thing that drives my passion and fuels my soul.

Whenever you begin to have negative feelings and thoughts about the monotony of life and question what it is that you are doing, then you need to use those to positive effect, rather than letting them become constantly negative.  Use these thoughts to inspire and to give courage to yourself.  Tell yourself:-

• Each time I do something that I find monotonous, I move a step closer to finding my purpose in life
• I now recognise and know that what I am doing is not right for me
• I will not continue to do this forever
• I will find a way to make my life the one that I want
• It is only a matter of time until I can make that change
• Whenever I have these negative feelings, I will use them as the fuel for moving me forward
• I will look at others who make the same complaints with compassion but I will be happy that at least I am going to do something to change my situation

  
As the time comes to make your change in life, you may even begin to rationalise these feelings and decide that every one gets them and so it is quite normal to feel this way about life.  And that, I believe is the truth.  Every one does have these thoughts.  What separates us as individuals is what we do about them.  For some of us, they are too strong to ignore and we would do so to our own detriment and eventual demise. 

A flower needs to bloom.  You have to raise your head to the sun and open yourself up to the life that you want.  You owe it to yourself and only to yourself.

I have a notion of doing God's work and I think that it comes from pursuing the desire that you have in your heart because that allows you to connect with everything around you, which in turn, brings you closer to everything.  And everything is part of the whole.  Because everything is one.

Go follow your dreams.

Back to the land of Pura Vida

Saturday 10 November
Yesterday, I travelled from Dallas down to Costa Rica, flying from Fort Worth to Liberia with American Airlines.  I passed the flight surrounded by a couple and their three young daughters, who were travelling with a retired Spanish teacher, in order that they could all spend one week in Papagayo to learn medical Spanish.  After watching the in-flight movie (The Amazing Spiderman) and some reading (On The Beach - Neville Shute), I spoke with the retired teacher a little and discussed the merits of teaching - a topic that comes back to me time and time again. Could it be my true vocation in life?  I have often pondered that question and I think it has to do a lot with my 5th grade teacher Mr Noon, an awesome bloke who combined strictness, with interesting anecdotes and the ability to give away his beloved Murray Mints (too good to hurry mints) if you did something special in class.

So, everything was running smoothly, despite some sickness the night before, caused by some sort of flu-bug almost every member of my host family in Dallas had picked up.  I felt happy and excited to be heading back to Costa Rica.  The landing was a jolt, the hardest touch down on the tarmac I've experienced for a while and I think it generally shocked the entire plane, including the stewardesses, who came on the speakers to thank us for flying American in a very nervous sounding voice.  Once off the plane, we all made our way into the immigration hall to await our turn to get stamped in, usually just a formality. I had been seated towards the back of the plane, so it was no coincidence that I was near the back of the queue, but certainly there were people after me.  As I stood in line, one of the immigration officials caught my eye.  She was older, perhaps in her late forties or early fifties and looked as though she were in charge.  I made a mental note that I did not wish to end up at her desk. A minute later and again she was looking at me. Or was it just my anxiety making me think that?

My experience with immigration when entering Canada via Toronto in August, had been extremely unnerving.  I was told to report to a specialist immigration officer for questioning.  That experience had made me feel as though I had done something wrong, as if I was a criminal for leading the lifestyle that I lead.  I had to prove who I was, prove that I was a citizen of good standing and order.  It brought home to me how my mobile life of travel and temporary homes look when viewed through the eyes of officialdom.  Short stays abroad and no time in my country of residence.  I am certainly doing nothing wrong.  I am just leading an alternative, transient lifestyle.  A lifestyle that does not meet the black and white of immigration, that takes a little explanation to people who are trained to seek out those that do not fit.  Like the hair on my head, I am moving ever more into the grey.

I shuffled forward with the other passengers and slowly but surely my turn came.  I handed over my passport and landing card to the girl behind the desk, I smiled and said "Hola".  She swiped my passport, looked at her screen, frowned, swiped it once more.  She flicked through the pages of my passport, looking at the stamps.  She asked me what I was doing in Costa Rica, how long was I going to be staying?  A couple of months I said, then I'd be moving south to Panama probably.  That bit was a lie, something I never like to do.  Did I have a return ticket she asked?  This is a mandatory requirement or entry into Costa Rica and something I did not actually have, since I did not know when I would be leaving.  That is why I had said I would be heading down to Panama.  However, I did have a pseudo itinerary I had created to get around this problem.  I just hoped that they didn't follow through and contact American Airlines or I would be in a whole heap of trouble.  I handed over my itinerary and she took it and looked at it. This is not a ticket, she said.  I explained that I could not get the ticket until I checked in for the flight.  My nerves and anxiety were rising.  Was I foolish to create a fraudulent itinerary and hand it over? I could get into serious trouble here.  Maybe get thrown out, put on a plane back to..?  Back to where?  The UK?  Probably.

There was now no one else left in the immigration hall.  The officer called over the older woman, who was the supervisor.
"How old are you?", the supervisor asked.
"42."
"How old are you?"
"42", I replied again wondering if she had hear me correctly or not.
"What is you date of birth?"
I responded with my correct birth date
"How old are you?"
I smiled. "I'm still 42."
"Where were you born?"
"In England", then I added the town and county for clarification and to provide as much information as possible.  I did not wish to appear evasive in any way.
"Do you have any other identification?"
I handed over my UK drivers licence.
"How old are you?"
"Really," I said, "I am 42 and I'll be 42 if you ask me a hundred more times", I smiled at them as I replied.
The girl looked at her supervisor, then she handed me back my drivers licence and itinerary, before she began to stamp my passport.
Muchas Gracias, I said.  You speak Spanish they asked? And suddenly the mood changed completely.  I relaxed and I could tell something had shifted. 
"She likes your eyes", the officer said, indicating her supervisor.

I thanked them in Spanish and said goodbye, collected my bags from the baggage carousel and met my pick up.  I was back in Costa Rica.  It felt good to be back. A huge relief washed over me.  Yes, it was good to be back in the and of pura vida.

The Heart Of The Matter

The thought that came to my mind while sitting on the train from Belleville to Montreal today:-

I am everything that I need to be.  I possess all that I need.  Show me my reflection and I will see beauty, I will see perfection, I will see love.  I am a miracle.  I am of this universe.  I am me.  All I have to do is to follow my heart and that is the best that I can be.

Finding the Gifts of Life

Last week, I went out for a walk around the local park, Parc Maisonneuve, in the early evening.  It had been raining during the afternoon and although the rain had since stopped, dark clouds hung in the sky ominously, just waiting for the right moment to drop some more of their precious cargo.  I like walking.  I prefer to walk in nature than along the paved pathways and concrete sidewalks of a city, but if that is all I have, then that will have to do.  This evening I was treated to an amazing spectacle.  I would actually call it a miracle.

As the sun sank slowly down behind the houses and apartments of the suburbs, the last rays caught the underside of the leaves of one of the trees in the park.  The affect was to turn these leaves to a beautiful gold colour.  They glimmered, shone and glittered as they basked in the last vestige of sunlight for the day.  I stopped, awestruck and feeling an emotion rising from deep within.  My heart was touched.  I felt that in this moment, I was witnessing a miracle.  I smiled.  My spirits lifted.  The world had spoken to me.

These are the times when I give thanks.  These are the times when I am humbled by the beauty of nature, by the simplicity of life.  These are the moments that you need to capture in your heart.


The Search For Gold
Every day, for longer than she cared to remember, Barta had sat and watched over the comings and goings of the village.  She knew all of the people that lived there and they equally knew her.  Her husband had died many years before, during the time of the unrest, and she had never taken another.  The village had long been the subject of a rumour that had become a folklore within this part of the country.  Occasionally, travellers full of bravado would arrive in search of the mythical gold, claiming that they would be the one to finally discover its whereabouts, and always they left soon after, empty handed.  Barta had seen many pass through the village in this way and each time another one left, she felt a sadness in her heart for what they viewed as a wasted journey.  But Barta knew, gold or no gold, that every person has to discover their own treasure in life, and it cheered her to know that each person that came had at least begun to walk their path, and the walking was all that really mattered anyway.

On a morning much like any other, Barta noticed a lone figure approaching the village on horseback.  As the rider drew closer, Barta could see no visible goods for trade, so she judged that this was either another who came in search of the gold or just a traveller passing through.  She hoped it would be a traveller so that she could gain some news from other lands.  Barta always liked to hear stories from the distant places and she passed much of her time imagining how they must look and how it would feel to actually be there.  As Barta watched the rider, so too did the rider watch Barta, as it slowly approached her.

Kaeke had been riding for several weeks, camping on the trail each evening and beginning again at sunrise.  He had journeyed a great distance since he had set out from home many months before.  He recalled the day that he had left.  His mother had embraced him and kissed him on each cheek.  Then she turned away and went back into the house.  His father took his right hand and placed his other on Kaeke's shoulder, "A heart that questions will never be content until it has found the answers for which it seeks.", he had said, "Go and seek the answers my son, go and find your gold, and when you have found them, we will be here waiting."  And now here he was, riding into the village at last.  The answers were now at hand.  But he was surprised to see that the village was not prosperous or rich looking, considering the gold that was said to be found there.  In fact, it looked much like many of the other villages he had seen on his journey.

Kaeke noticed the old woman sitting in the square and decided he should ask her where he might find a place to stay.  He had no idea how long the search for the gold would take, but probably he only needed a few days.  Why was it that in all of the villages he had passed through, he had seen so many of the old people sitting alone, doing nothing, just watching and waiting.  It was as though they had reached a certain point and then given up on life.  He rode up to the old woman and he saw that she was had a kindly face and that she was not as old as he had first supposed.

"Hello there!  My name is Kaeke and I'm in need of a place to stay for a few nights.  Do you know of any where around here where I can find a bed?"

Barta was surprised.  The rider was a man as she had thought, but he seemed barely a man and more of a boy.  Barta prided herself in being able to know where every stranger was from based only on their accent, but the accent of the rider was unfamiliar to her.

"From where do you come?", she asked him.  "Your accent is not known to me and I know all of the accent around these parts."

"I come from the land that can be found over the mountains and across the great water.  I have ridden for many weeks to arrive here."

"And why do you come?  Are you on your way to some place else?"

Kaeke did not really want to tell this old woman why he was there.  If he found the gold, then he might get robbed when he tried to leave.  It occurred to him that perhaps the villagers kept up the illusion of being poor to hide the gold from others who might come and try to steal it.  But the woman did have a kindly face and after all, he had nothing to hide from anyone.  On his travels, he had found that honesty and truth served him well and had always helped him in building trust with strangers.  It seemed that people reacted best when you were open with them.

"I will be here for a few days only until I find some of the gold of which I have heard many stories.  Long have I dreamed of seeing it with my own eyes."

"You come in search of the gold?  Then I wish you luck and success and I hope that you will not leave here a poorer man than you are now.  You know that many have come and many have failed?  The gold is just a legend Kaeke, nothing more.  But, if you wish to stay and search then take the road on the left and continue until you come to the house with yellow rose bushes out front.  It is the house of Nashani.  She should be able to give you a room there.  Tell her Barta sent you."

Kaeke thanked Barta and then rode on to find Nashani's house.  Barta watched after him.  "Always so many come with the same purpose and always they leave in the same way.  Chasing a thing that exists only in dreams."

In the days that followed, Kaeke rode out each morning and returned just after the sun had dropped below the horizon.  In the beginning he was filled with the high expectation of quick success.  He rode out with a smile on his face and an old tune that he hummed as he rode.  The tune reminded him of home.  In the evening, when he returned once more to the village empty handed, the same smile and the tune could be seen and heard.  Sometimes he would see Barta sitting and watching and always he would raise his arm in greeting.

The days became a week and a week quickly became a month.  Kaeke had still not found any trace of the gold.  He had searched in the woods, he had searched in the hills, he had searched in the fields and he had searched along the river.  Nothing.  Not even the smallest glimmer or hint could be found.  But he still searched with the same smile and always humming the same old familiar tune to himself.

One morning Kaeke had been wandering through the forests that surrounded the village, humming his tune and being completely lost in the thought of what he would do with all his gold, when he found that he had emerged from the trees and was standing just outside the village.  He thought about heading in amongst the trees again but he decided that if his feet had brought him this way, then perhaps there must be a reason.  My feet walk the path but the path leads me where it will, he thought.

As he walked into the village, Kaeke saw Barta sitting in her usual place, "Hello Barta", he called out as he approached, "and how is every one and every thing in the village today?"

"Kaeke", Barta smiled.  There was something about the cheerfulness of this boy that was infectious.  Perhaps it was his ever present smile and that terrible tune that he hummed, "the village is just the same as it always is.  Do you like our village life, or do you find it strange compared to where you are from?"

Kaeke sat down next to Barta.  "When I set out on my travels to come here, I thought I would find that every new place I came to would be very different from what I knew, and in the beginning, it was exactly like that.  The further I travelled from home, the more strange places and people seemed to become.  But then I slowly began to see through the strange customs and the different ways of speaking and I realised that actually, every thing is just the same wherever you go and that every person has the same basic needs in life: food, shelter and love."

"But you have left your home and you are alone.  Where is the love of which you speak?"

"It is true that when I first thought about leaving my home, I was afraid that I would be lonely.  In the first few days I travelled, that was true.  I felt alone because I saw other people together with their families and with their friends and that made me think of my own and I missed them.  But after only a few days, I realised that I was never really on my own and that I was never without love."

"That doesn't make any sense to me." said Barta. "You're talking in riddles Kaeke.  Who was with you?"

"Well of course, physically I was on my own, that is true.  If you had seen me you would not have seen another person with me.  But loneliness is not a physical condition, it is a state of the mind.  I found that because I had finally begun my search for the gold for which I had so long dreamed, my heart was keeping me company.  In the quiet moments of solitude, I began to hear its voice and I hear it still.  My heart has become my companion on my journey.  And since I have finally been realising my dream, I have been giving love to myself.  It sounds strange I know, to think of giving love to yourself because we are always taught to think that love has to be given to another person.  What I have discovered is that by finally doing the thing that I have always dreamed, I have been giving myself the ultimate gift.  The gift of love.  And that is why I have never travelled alone or without love."

Barta looked into the face of the young man that sat beside her.  Was he mad?  Had all the days of being alone in the woods looking for the gold affected him?  Then she thought about her own life and how she had sat day after day watching the village and all of its inhabitants.

"Although you speak strangely for one so young, perhaps I understand what you mean.  I have sat on my own, watching over the village day after day, for many years, but I have never felt alone.  I often thought that it was because my late husband sat beside me but now because of the words you have spoken, I know it is because my heart has been keeping me company all this time."

Kaeke looked at Barta and he could tell that there was something more she wanted to say.  He sat quietly and waited.  It surprised him to think that he hardly knew this woman at all, yet here she was, telling him things about her life that she probably had never told any one else before.  People were so often afraid to open their hearts to others through fear of ridicule and being thought of as foolish.  But actually it is exactly from being open that we earn trust and make friendships.  When we extend ourselves, we are sharing a part of our soul with that other person - we are giving the gift of ourselves.  Often Kaeke did not know where these thoughts came from but he felt the truth in them as soon as they occurred to him.

"I loved my husband Kaeke."  Barta continued, "He was a good man and we spent many years happy together in this village.  But I have long dreamed of looking out on the world from the top of the mountains.  Before we were together, I wanted to leave but my father would not let me travel alone.  Then I met my husband, fell in love and got married.  We talked in the evenings of what we wanted from life and although I wished to travel, he had no desire to leave.  Gradually, I buried my dream of the mountains and I began to forget about it.  After he died, my old dreams began to return to me once again.  That is why I sit here.  I told you that I watch the village but the real truth is that I am looking at the mountains, wishing that I could go there."

"Then you should go to the mountains Barta!  You should go and see the world from up above."

"I am too old Kaeke.  It is too late for me now.  My time is passed.  Perhaps I will see it in the next life."

"When I told my parents that I wished to go in search of the gold they told me that I was too young to travel alone.  But I kept my dream alive by preparing and readying myself.  I had to show my parents that I would be able to make the journey.  I had to fight for my dream.  Never think of yourself as too old Barta.  There will never be a perfect day to begin the adventure, there is only ever the first moment when you take a step on the path.  If you wish to see the mountains, then go and see the mountains.  It is never too late to begin.  Only the beginning matters, only starting to walk the path is important.  Life is all about the journey and never about the final destination."

That was an interesting thought.  If life was not about the destination, then why was he so intent on discovering the gold?

"Kaeke, you are the first person who has spoken to me in this way.  I do not understand why I have told you what I have told you.  Perhaps it is because I know you will leave here soon and carry away my secrets with you.  I will think about what it is that you have said.  Your words awaken an old heart, I can feel it stirring once more."

"I am pleased that we shared this time Barta.  I will never tell another of what you have spoken.  You too have given me something on which to ponder."

In the next days, Kaeke would see Barta and he could now see that it was not the village she was watching but rather her gaze was fixed on the mountains that lay off in the distance.  Then one afternoon as he rode back from another fruitless search for the gold, he saw that the seat was empty.  His immediate reaction was to think that perhaps something had happened to Barta.  He galloped his horse into the village and asked after her.  No one had seen her at all that day.  Feeling concerned, Kaeke went to the house of Barta and knocked on the door and waited.  There was no answer so he turned to leave and as he did so, he noticed a folded piece of paper laying under a rock next to the path.  He retrieved the paper and could see that his name was written on one side.  He unfolded it and read:-

'My friend Kaeke,

For too many years I have watched over this village and for too many years I have troubled myself with the gossip and the affairs of others, when I should have been moving on with my own life.  I let myself stagnate when life was going on all around me.  Thanks to you, I can hear the calling of my heart once more and so I have set off to find my mountains.  In return for the kindness that you gave so freely to me, I will give some advice in return: the gold may be found in the most unexpected of places.

Barta'

Kaeke was happy for his friend.  It was good to know that she had finally set off in search of her own gold and he liked that he had been able to help her.  Then a thought occurred to him.  Perhaps every person is a messenger, carrying within us a message intended for another and when we are needed the most, we appear in the lives of those needing the message and we appear just at the right time.  But what could Barta have meant about the gold being found in the most unexpected of places?  Hadn't he already searched in all of the most unusual places he could think?  And if she knew where the gold was found, why had she not simply told him where to find it?  It was confusing.  He walked slowly away, recollecting all of the places he had looked for the gold and wondering if there were any that he could have overlooked.

On each of the next days, Kaeke looked to where Barta had always sat and he missed seeing her.  He had become used to her being there but he also knew that life was about change and that nothing could ever stay the same.  He recalled a story his grandfather had once told him of a man called Samuel who tried everything to stop change from coming into his life.  At the end of his life, Samuel found that it was he himself who had changed because he had changed his life in order to stop everything else from changing.  It was just like flowing water that encountered a too hard rock.  The water will alter its course and go around the obstacle, if it is unable to change it.

Kaeke had been bothered about the thought that had come to him about his journey.  He had always thought that finding the gold was the most important thing but now he realised that everything he had seen and learned on his search for the gold was more important.  It was the walking of the path and trying to accomplish your dream that made the difference.  He realised that ever since the day he had set out from his parents home, he had never been happier.  He saw life differently.  Actually that was not right.  Now he saw life where before, he had just seen animals, birds, fish, plants, trees, the sun, the moon, the stars.  He now saw miracles performed in front of his eyes every waking moment.  He knew too that to be truly happy in life, one had to go in search of their own personal gold, whatever and wherever that might be.

One more week passed and as Kaeke rode out in the morning, he decided that this would be the last day of searching for the gold.  He was now ready to return home.  What was home? he wondered.  It had always been the small farm on which he had grown up.  It had been the woods in which he played as a boy, dreaming of adventures.  It had been the stream in the valley, where he had sent many boats to journey to the great sea.  Since he had begun this journey, he had felt more at home than ever before.  Perhaps my home is where my heart is? he asked himself and as he did so, he already knew the answer because his heart told him he was right and it was happy.  I don't need a certain place, as long as I follow my heart because my heart will always be home on the path.

Gold or no gold, he felt that he was a richer person for having travelled to the village and for searching.  The day passed much like all of the others.  He wandered through the forests, he travelled the valley and he spent time down at the river.  Towards the end of the day, he began his ride back to the village for the final time.  As this was his last day, he had finished the search earlier than usual so that he could return to the house of Nashani and pack his belongings, ready to begin the journey home in the morning.  As he reached the edge of the forest he could see the village before him, so he stopped so that he could look upon the old place one last time.  Being late afternoon, the sun was already low in the sky and as Kaeke watched, it dropped below the clouds, sending out a myriad of rays of yellow and orange light.  What a beautiful way to end his final day here, he thought and he gave thanks for being allowed to witness this spectacle before he left the village.  He turned in his saddle to look back on the trees of the forest, where he had spent much of his time in his vain search.  As he looked, one tree caught his attention.  He smiled and then he laughed.

"You crafty old witch.", he said.  "All this time you knew and you never told me."

At this perfect moment in time, the setting sun had captured this one tree with its rays of orange and yellow.  As a breeze blew, the leaves danced as they glimmered, shone and glittered.  Kaeke had at last found his gold.

The end.