Decisions, Decisions

There are many times in life when we are faced with decisions.  Some decisions are minor and seemingly without consequence - vanilla or strawberry milkshake (vanilla for me)?  Others can be life changing - do I take the offer of promotion that means I will have to move overseas?  Every decision affects us, every decision alters something, every decision opens doors and every decision closes doors, every decision changes the scenery along our journey, every decision alters the direction of the path.  Whether we are aware of it at the time or not, every decision always has consequences.

When I was a young boy, I had a little bit of pocket money I had saved and it was burning a hole in my pocket.  I went into town with my mother and told her I would go to the toy shop and meet her back at the car.  I made my way to the toy shop, it was called Lorimers and was on the high street, just down from the bank.  I recall that the ground floor was full of office supplies, paper and stationery, you had to walk to the back of the store and go up to the first floor via the narrow wooden stairs that were found on the left side.  This is where the real treasure was located, the toy department.  I have no idea how long I spent wandering around looking at all of the various toys on the shelves and in the display cabinets.  All I can remember is looking at something and thinking to myself that this was the toy that I would buy, then I would see something else that attracted me and this would become the thing I would buy.  And so it went on.  I walked around and around, looking, thinking, trying to decide between all the toys that I liked and wanted.  All the time I was either saying to myself or muttering out loud, for I cannot remember which it was - perhaps both, "What should I buy, what should I get?".  But I could not decide, I could not commit myself to any one thing.  In the end, I walked out of the shop with nothing except the coins that remained in my pocket.

My experience in the toy shop taught me a great lesson of life - that if you are really not sure about something, then it is better not to be hasty and not to commit until you are ready.  It is far better to come back another day with more certainty and to take the correct decision, than to rush into something feeling unsure of what you are doing.  You may think to yourself that choosing a toy is not an important decision, but for a six year old boy, with no responsibilities in life and his entire worldly savings in his pocket, what greater decision can there be?

I have come to realise in my life that making decisions is not a matter for the head.  For me, it is always the heart that decides.  Yes, there are decisions that only the head can make, like choosing the most beneficial saving plan for instance, but the decisions that affect my life and decide the direction of my path, those are always made from my heart.  Although I may not have released the true voice of my heart until I was in my early thirties, it is my believe that I have always been connected to my heart and I must have heard its whispers, ever since I can remember.  Some of my decisions in life have been mad - dropping out of school before finishing to work in a factory, quitting one job only to go back to it a week later and having to face the embarrassment and the ridicule of my colleagues, being so madly in love it almost cost me a very good friendship, moving to Budapest because of a feeling, quitting a successful career to go backpacking in Asia, going to university in New Zealand to study for three years at the age of thirty-seven, going to South Africa on a whim because of the thought of adventure, becoming a scuba diving instructor.  Major life decisions all made because of the call of my heart.

Have I ever regretted any of my decisions?  No.  Never.  It is my belief that if you make decisions from the heart, the decision is made for you and only you.  The decision is made on your terms.  There are no outside influences, there is no one else to blame, only you are responsible for what comes after.  And if you accept the responsibility of each and every decision that you make in life, then you can never regret anything.  I often find myself smiling for no reason as the realisation that I am here, I am in this place, doing this thing.  Everything that came before led me to here, led me to now.  Each decision, no matter how small and seemingly insignificant at the time, shaped my path, altered the course of its direction, until I reached where I am now.  How can you regret walking your own path in the way of your own choosing?  It is just not possible.  It is the key that unlocks the door to happiness.

Even if you take a wrong turn, which will happen - I can guarantee it, it can lead you to some place that you never expected, an unforeseen set of circumstances arise.  These can be better than you hoped for, or they can be worse, much worse.  Things can seem wrong, feel bad and you become unsure.  These are the times that we may question the path.  Our resolve is examined, our survival skills are tested, our desires are questioned.  But inevitably, if you keep going, if you keep on listening to your heart, it will lead you out, you will find solutions, you will rediscover the path and set things right again.  And even though you took a wrong turn, even though the darkness was upon you for a while, you will eventually step out into the sunshine once more, into a place of beauty and wonder that would never have come to you, but for the wrong turn that you made.

That happened to me last year.  I took a decision and ended up in a situation that was really not good for me.  I got myself into a mess, I felt out of sorts, I felt separated from my path and I could no longer find the voice of my heart.  I fought my way out of this situation and found myself in a place of solace and solitude.  I needed to rest and reassess my situation and I had to question what it was that I was doing and what I desired.  While I was resting, a friendly hand reached out to me and made me an offer to go and stay with them for some time, until I was back on my feet.  I was unsure but I took the hand because it was friendly and something inside of me said take it.  What I was to discover by taking that hand was an abundance of joy, love and happiness.  I was welcomed into a family and I was made part of that family.  The goodness of those people remains with me and will be with me forever more.  It was completely unforeseen and would never have happened if I had not taken that wrong turn.  Good always follows bad, just like day always follows the night. If you find yourself in a wrong place, keep the faith and wait for the light to shine upon your path once more.  When this happens, you will see that every wrong turn is actually a right turn.

Every twist and turn in the path leads us somewhere.  Every decision we make has consequences.  Every step we take leads us towards are destiny.  Decisions help to shape that destiny - the good and the bad.  But no matter what happens, we must eventually take those decisions, even if they seem impossible to make at the time, in order to grow and to move on.  By taking no decision in life, we are in affect like a boat adrift on the ocean, being blown where it will.  Our path is not our own.  Our choices are not our own.  We become victims of everything around us.

So, find solace and solitude to be one with your heart, seek out the wonders of nature and allow them to flood into your soul - these are fuel for your heart, go and open your heart and listen to what it is telling you.  And then follow its urging. Decision taken.  Step made.  Adventure and the unknown awaits.