Seeing The Signs

It is 18 March 2006.  I am travelling on a ferry boat heading from Kota Bharu, on the north east of the Malaysian peninsula, across to the Perhentian Islands.  It is my first full day of travelling alone.  The day before, I had left my travelling partner behind in Krabi, Thailand.  Early that morning, I had sat in the minivan that was to take me down to the Thailand / Malaysia border, asking myself over and over again, what was I doing?  I had contemplated getting out and running back across the road to the hotel, but then we had started to move and I knew it was too late.  My fate was decided.  I looked through the glass of the window, trying hard to fight back the tears I knew were so ready to fall and I could see her sitting there, all alone on the steps outside of the hotel.  She was crying, and it had broken my heart.  It would be the last time I would see her.  After a day of minivan rides into Malaysia and a night in a backpackers in Kota Bharu, I am on my way to the Perhentian Islands, where I have decided to continue my scuba diving education and training.  I have not thought past that point.  It is too difficult and I cannot see through the darkness.  I have some idea of what awaits me, since we had both been on the islands together for a few days, just a couple of weeks before.  But I have never travelled alone for extended periods, it was never my intention or wish to be backpacking in Asia alone, I am completely outside of my comfort zone, I don't know anyone on the islands, I don't have a place to stay, I am apprehensive, anxious and scared.  I lean my head out of the stuffy interior of the boat and air hits my face refreshing me.  I look forward to the bow of the boat and watch it bouncing up and down as it cuts through the water, sending jets of spray outwards, that will become our trailing wake.  And there I see them.  Small arcs of rainbows created by the miracle of refraction, as the sunlight penetrates the spray of water.  It is all I needed to see.  I can feel my heart reassuring me.  I know that I made the right decision, now I know that whatever happens, everything is going to work out and I now know that I am on my intended path.  I have seen a sign.  I instantly feel calmer, reassured and I give thanks.

For me, this was a very strong sign and indication that what I was doing, in following my heart, was the right thing for me.  In fact, the summer before, when I had still been in England, I can remember being caught in a dilemma.  I had two options in front of me and I could not decide which one to take for the best.  I could see the goodness and the possibilities that both had to offer, but I knew that taking one would inevitably close the door on the other.  One evening, as I drove over to visit my parents, across the flood plain that stretched from the foot of the hills to the coast, dark heavy clouds of a summer storm moved in.  The rain began to fall in the distance but the sun still shone through a patch of blue sky and as it did so, it created a double rainbow effect.  Both rainbows arced fully, gracefully and beautifully across the plain, their colours shining brightly against the backdrop of grey.  My eyes saw both rainbows and I can distinctly remember the feeling that came over me.  Which ever of the two options I chose would be good for me.  All I had to do was to go with my gut feeling - to follow my heart.  And I did.

The signs of life appear to us in my guises, in many shapes and forms.  It is not possible to know when they will appear, or even if they will appear, but when they do, it is my belief that you feel it through to the depths of your soul.  They cause your heart to speak with a voice louder, clearer and more certain.  A feeling of reassurance sweeps through you.  You no longer feel that you are alone, and indeed, if you listen to your heart, you never will be.  These signs are personal, unique to each individual.  No one else can interpret them for you.  Yes, they can try, but no one else will ever be able to deduce the true meaning of a sign meant for one person only - for you.  A sign may lead us to the beginning of the path by helping us to take the initial decision, it may show us that we are walking the right path by giving us reassurance, or it may indicate that this part of the journey is complete and that it is time to begin another.

A sign will take the form that it needs to take in order to help you.  It will reveal itself when you need it.  When I think back over my life, I realise that I had always been seeing signs along the way.  The offer to hike and camp on the trail one weekend in South Africa was a sign.  It was an offer made by a colleague at the time, who would become a dear friend.  It led to a conversation and to the beginning of the awakening of all that I felt and had buried deep inside of me.  The overwhelming feelings I had, standing in Vörösmarty tér in Budapest, on a bitterly cold January day.  A friend reaching into her bag and pulling out a book to lend to me, as we shared a taxi ride one evening.  The rainbows I have encountered along the way.  Perhaps you can recall coincidences, things that occur just as you begin to think about something, about making a change in your life?  It happens.  I know it happens because it has happened to me and because I know it has happened to others.

Recently, someone I know begun to awaken their spirit, they had commenced listening to the call of their heart.  At the end of their vacation, they boarded a plane, just like they had done many other times.  They were travelling alone, so there was no knowing who was going to sit next to them.  It was random, completely open to chance.  My friend boarded early and sat in their seat, waiting.  A person appeared and sat next to them, the two begin to talk and slowly they realised that one of them was delivering the message that the other needed to hear.  That the other was now ready to hear.  A message of hope, encouragement and inspiration.  The same message that has been passed on through the ages, from walker to walker, as it always has been and always will be.  That coincidence was a message, and that message was a sign.

Sometimes, we might see a sign and we will ignore it. Actually, it is not that we ignore it, it is just that we do not see the sign.  It is there, it exists, it manifests itself right before our eyes at precisely the right moment, but we fail to detect its presence.  This is not a problem.  The sign will reappear when you are ready.  Perhaps it will reappear many times before you finally notice it.  It does not matter.  The path of our lives is not a race.  We all find it at different times and at different points in life.  There is no end to the path, no destination, no final resounding victory, only the beginning and the next step.  All that matters is that we awaken our souls, listen to the call of our hearts and follow their urging.  All that matters is that we keep on taking steps along our way, that we keep on fighting for our dreams, and that we look for and see the signs that will guide our way.