Why Every Day Needs To Be Your Birthday

I recently celebrated (or should that be commiserated?) my birthday.  During the days leading up to the actual day, I wondered and thought about what it is that I should do to mark the occasion, to make it special.  After all, there is only one day each year that is reserved solely for each of us, that one day on which we entered the world and began this journey we call life.  As I was thinking this over, a different thought entered my mind.  It occurred to me that every day should be my birthday.

I do not mean that every day I deserve to be spoiled by others, given presents and surprises, to be taken out, wined and dined.  No, that would mean that my birthday would lose its significance and meaning entirely.  What occurred to me was that as I was planning what to do for myself, what nice thing I could do as a special treat, I realised that I did not need to wait for the advent of this one single day of the year to dawn before doing so.  I realised that it would in fact be better to treat myself every single day of the year, as if my birthday occurred every day.  What I saw was not a matter of self-indulgence but rather I saw a question of love, and in particular, the love of self.

It sounds a little bit strange doesn't it?  Love of self.  We are very accustomed to love being an external emotion, flowing outwards and away from us, towards the object of our love, whether that be another person or another thing.  When we love another person, we want the best for them.  We want to see them succeed in their endeavours and to be happy.  We give them our care and attention, we look out for them, and we provide help and support.  We buy presents, give them gifts and make surprises for them.  We give compliments and we let the person know that they are loved and wanted.  We strive to know the person, so that we may better understand them and in so doing, provide all these things to an even greater degree.  How often do we do this for ourselves?

Often, what we practice is self-loathing and self-hatred.  "I don't like my hair", "I'm too fat", "No one likes me", "I'm ugly", "I'm too shy", "I'm too quiet", "I'm too complicated", "I'm too fussy", "I'm too tall", "I'm too short". You get the idea.  We all have said these things to ourselves.  I know I have and I still do, constantly.  I know that I look in the mirror and often I only see the negative.  In fact, it pains me to look upon my own reflection.  As a result of this, I am left with the feeling that I am no good and therefore, I reach the conclusion that I don't like myself.  Then I reinforce those feelings by pointing out all of the reasons why that is my own personal truth.  I practice self-loathing on a regular basis.

Here's a small exercise to try.  Find a pen and a piece of paper, sit down and write a list of all of your bad points - those things that you do not like about yourself.  After this, do the same only this time, list all of your good points - the things you do like about yourself.  I am pretty sure that the list of the bad will be longer and was more easy to compose.  Those bad things came straight out, whereas you had to think about the good points a little harder.  I know that is how it is for me.

We are taught from an early age that selfish behaviour is not a good thing and that we should avoid being self-centred.  With this, I absolutely agree and I am not condoning those actions.  What I am saying is that we do need to honour the person that we truly are and that we do need to give ourselves the love that we deserve.  We need to do this without detriment to the other people in our lives that we love.  I do not see self-love as a selfish act, I see it as the exact opposite.  If we learn to love the person that we are, then we will strive to become a better person, to take care of ourselves, to give ourselves attention and to see ourselves in a positive light.  That can only help our existing relationships with our loved ones, as our outward love will be coming from a place of positivity, not negativity.  If you do not currently have a partner, then the act of self-love will help attract the right kind of person to you, you will appear more confident, more open and as a direct result, you will appear more attractive - because you are.  

This is why I say that every day should be your birthday.  Love yourself.  Be kind to yourself.  Treat yourself.  Do it daily.  Avoid indulgences like alcohol, candy, sweets, chocolate or ice cream.  These seem like an act of kindness, but often, those things in which we like to over-indulge are detrimental to our personal health and well-being.  Instead, treat yourself to a new haircut, a day at the spa, an afternoon in the movie theatre, a massage, a walk in the fresh air, look upon a sunrise or a sunset, gaze up at the moon and stars, lay on your back and watch clouds drift effortlessly over the sky, listen to sound of waves breaking upon the shore, listen to the songs of birds in the fields and amongst the trees, inhale the fresh scent of the early morning.  Make eating healthily and regular exercise a part of your everyday activities.  Take a little time for yourself to be alone with your own thoughts.  If you have a dream, if there is something that you have always wanted to do, plan it, book it, and do it.  Make it happen for yourself.  This is self-love.  Don't tarry or delay.  Don't wait until the first day of the new year to begin something new.  Make a pledge to yourself that this day you will begin, whatever day that happens to be.  And stick to it.  Resolutions can be made at any time, they are not the sole property of New Year's.

Love.  Love radiates from us and it permeates every fibre of our being.  It flows through us and around us.  Love is not reserved only for those that are external to us.  The love that we have inside of our heart's is for everything and for everyone, and that includes you.  So go on.  Fill your soul with love and fill your soul with life.  Be kind to yourself.  Treat yourself.  Love yourself.  Know what it is to be heartstrong.  Because you know what?  Every day really is your birthday.     

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We Are Born To Be Butterflies

A friend of mine recently posted some pictures of a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis.  Over the course of a few days, she posted a series of photographs, as the caterpillar transformed itself into something quite remarkably different, and emerged as a beautiful butterfly.  A simple miracle of life?  Yes, but it is also a perfect metaphor for our own lives.

For some creatures, their destiny is mapped out for them and their purpose in life is clear.  A caterpillar must become a butterfly.  It has to evolve and change, because it is programmed to do so.  Life wrote its story, life determined that this would be the way of things.  There is nothing to stop it.  Even if it could, the caterpillar is powerless to stay as a caterpillar, it has to change, it has to become something else, something more than it was.  No amount of effort can prevent it from becoming that which it was always destined to be from its birth.  The life story of a caterpillar perfectly illustrates two very important truths of life.  First, that inside of each of us there resides a great beauty waiting to be revealed and second, that each of us has one true destiny to fulfil.

My own soul and my own heart, spent many years as a closely guarded secret.  I kept them hidden from the world at large, too afraid to show my true self, too scared of what other people would say about me, or think of me.  I hid my true soul from my family and my friends.  I struggled with my weight from a young age and this had a massive impact on how I viewed myself.  In short, I viewed myself as ugly.  Ugly on the outside, ugly on the inside.  And I viewed myself in that way for many years.  That opinion of myself took a hold of me, it buried in roots deep in heart, it corrupted the way I thought of myself, it poisoned me against myself, and rather than step out and be all that I could be, I hid myself away.  I was embarrassed to be me.   A flower needs the sun and without it, will slowly wilt and die.  I denied myself sunlight and my heart and my soul began to wilt and fade.  Slowly, imperceptibly, I was killing myself.

There is one thing that holds true for life on this amazing planet.  Life is never beaten.  Life always finds a way.  In the arid, scorching, desolate sands of the desert, life exists.  In the deepest, darkest, abyss of the ocean, life thrives.  In the cold, desolate, bleak, freezing, whiteness of the poles, life finds a way to hold on.  Once created, life is a force that will keep on trying to survive, no matter the odds, no matter the conditions, no matter the adversities.  So it is with our hearts.  Our hearts are our life force.  All the time that your heart continues to beat, you have life coursing through your veins.  That life cannot be denied.  It cannot be halted.  It cannot be contained.  Life rescued me.  Or rather, I saw a break in the clouds and the emergence of a ray of golden light, and I saw that I had a chance to be more than I was, to go in discovery of my true self, to unleash the power and the beauty that resided in me.  And at the same time, I was given a chance to find my own true destiny.

Through a combination of events and circumstances, I freed myself from the shackles that had bound me.  I began to walk on my true path, I began to believe in myself.  The doubts and the fears about who I was subsided and were replaced by hope and confidence.  The more time I spent walking my own path, the stronger my convictions grew about who I was, who I wanted to be, what I wanted to do.  I did not need anything from my past to define me.  Everything that I needed to be me already existed within me.  I had always known that my heart was sensitive.  I had felt it all of my life.  I had always known that I was very much in tune with my emotions and felt joy, loss, elation, and sadness keenly.  Now, walking my path, I listened to my heart, I heard its voice and I heeded its call.  I began to let my true self emerge, I began to understand that I had no reason to be afraid of who I was.  I finally understood that it is not how we look on the outside that defines the person that we are, it is through our actions, our words, our thoughts and our hearts that we are defined.  It is what resides on the inside, that truly reveals our beauty as a person.

I see these two things as intrinsically linked in my life. I was not able to began to reveal my true self, until I began to walk my true path.  One led to the other.  Perhaps it was that at some point I showed my true self first, and though doing so, I discovered my path.  Yes, now that I have had that thought, I can feel the truth of it.  There was a person to whom I lowered my guard, to whom I showed my true self, my true spirit and in me, that person saw the struggle that I had to be free, and they offered me the hand of friendship and of fellowship.  They helped me to see the way ahead could only be my own way, my own destiny, my one true path.

I learned to stop hating who I thought I was and instead, to love who I am.  I learned to accept myself and to forgive myself, and this is an act of love - perhaps the greatest act of love.  Love reveals our inner being and beauty.  Love reveals our destiny.  I now walk the path of love.  It is love that unlocks the door to life and to the discovery of the light that resides within.  Through loving your own heart, you are able to truly set it free and to become everything that you were born to be.  Through love, I reveal my true self.  Through love, I walk my true path.

If you hear the voice of your heart and do not heed its call, then you will be destined to live out your life, just as a caterpillar does.  You'll know and you'll understand that you have a calling, a destiny that needs to be fulfilled, yet you will deny it to yourself.  In so doing, you will also deny yourself the opportunity to reveal your true self, that self that is your inner beauty.  If you do heed the call of your heart and begin to walk your one true path, then you will transform yourself into a butterfly.  You'll reveal your true self as a thing of beauty, you won't be afraid to show your fragility, since this is the very thing that defines what you are and allows you to be all that you need to be.  Through revealing your true beauty and fragility, you will show your strength and with an unfettered heart, you will flex your wings and fly free on the breeze.

Each of us is born a caterpillar.  Only those that walk their one true path will reveal the simple truth of life.  That we are born to be butterflies.

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