Reaching the End of my Second Teaching Placement - A Poem of Gratitude

This week is going to be a tough week.  It's the last week of my second placement in school and marks another major step towards the dream of becoming a school teacher.  The time has passed by so very quickly.  In fact, this whole year is flying past.  It seems only like yesterday that I was stepping off the plane in New Zealand, having flown from the UK.  Only now, has a year passed since I first submitted my application for university in Wellington, at Victoria University.  One year ago, it was nothing but an uncertain dream.  Now, it is a dream that is approaching reality.

I have enjoyed immensely my time on this second placement.  The class I've been with have been amazing.  It has been a hugely enjoyable and rewarding experience.  At the beginning of this placement, I felt daunted, overawed, and overwhelmed by what lay ahead.  I questioned whether teaching was truly for me.  It would have been so easy to walk away, to follow the urge that told me to do so.  But I did not.  I stood firm and resolute and I told myself that I had to at least see this placement through to the end, and only then would I be in a position to know truly.  It is at times like these when I remember a passage in The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho that describes how we are tested as we approach the realisation of our dreams.  The universe tests us to see whether we are worthy, whether we have learned all that we needed to learn and discover, whether we are certain that this is our dream, and whether we believe in our path.

I am not there yet.  I still have courses to complete at university but one thing is now more certain in me than ever.  I was always going to be a teacher.  I have felt it for most of my life, hearing the call from afar, waiting until the moment when I knew I could deny myself the inevitable no longer.  I do not teach because I can, I teach because it is me, it is my life, and it is my dream. 

Here then, is the poem I wrote to the class as a memento of my stay with them.  I have purposely removed a few verses to protect anonymity of the children.  

A Poem for Room 12

Room 12 has been a truly incredible place to be

It’s full of learning, friendship, and true camaraderie

I’ve had such fun with you all I never would have guessed

I hope you don’t remember me as a terrible, awful, nasty pest.

Remember at the beginning and we made a juggling ball?

I think we had a lot of fun; at least that’s what I recall

Balloons, rice and a little bag, colours and designs were made

Together we ventured out with them and in the playground we played.

We read a book by Roald Dahl called the BFG

About dreams and giants and girl whose name was Sophie

We thought about the dreams we have and whether they could come true

In our books, we wrote them down and shared our point of view.

What imaginations you really have to see such wondrous things

Fluffy unicorns, vampire bats, and a golden boot that sings?

Some were likely, some were certain and some that just could not be,

I thought all were amazing and brilliant, and explored some probability.

When you see yourself in the mirror, there’s a reflection looking back at you

And down the centre, right in between, there’s a line that divides the two

We used contrasting colours and paper folded in two or four

To show our lines of symmetry so they showed up even more.

Cut out a circle of paper and then you fold it one, two three

Take a piece of pizza pie and trace your design so you see

Rotate around, rotate around, rotate around that’s the key

If you fit in more times than one, you've got rotational symmetry.

Now, how to find your way around I wonder if you know?

East, south, west, north, please tell me it’s not so.

The compass needle always points to the north and after that it’s east

Never Eat Soggy Weetbix always remember that at least!

What shapes we found and placed them together with no gaps in between

To make some wonderful patterns, the best that I’d ever seen

Now what do we call it?  What name could it be?

Why it was tessellation of course! Oh silly, silly me.

How do you write instructions, please tell me what you need

Begin with a title that says it all and sows a little seed

Next you add a description and maybe a picture or two

Follow the steps you find below and you’ll know just what to do.  

In the mornings after a little maths we took ourselves under the sea

With a special room 12 brain break created just for you, by me

We looked around, we saw such fish, and wonders of the deep

And after we had finished, there was not a sign of sleep!

We learned about cause and effect on the oceans you recall?

How pollution, over fishing, and climate change are problems for us all

We need to act, we need to think about what it is we do

So in the future this planet of ours we still have seas of blue.

And in those seas the fish will swim and the whales will blow and dive

All of the life below the surface will multiply and thrive

We need the krill, we need the sharks, we need the tuna and wahoo

Because without those last fishy types, what’s the cookie cutter shark to do?

Now here we are, it’s come at last, the end of my short stay

Room 12 you’re the most wonderful people, and I know you’ll always be that way

And even though I’ll be gone, the memories, well they can never fade

Because you created for me, the best most brilliant dream that was ever made.

  _________________________

A Time For Faith

Some days, I question the path.  I ask myself whether I have made the right decisions, whether taking other roads would have led me to the happiness and contentment that I seek, where I would have found lasting love and family life?  I ask myself whether I have made mistakes in the decisions that I took, and I wonder if following my heart has been the right path for me?  What if I have got this all wrong?  What if those things in which I believe are actually not right, that some how I have created an illusion in my own mind and convinced myself of the truth of it?  What if the life that I am leading is in fact, a lie, and that I have fooled myself and others into believing that this is the truth?

These are the days when my faith is tested.  I did not decide to live my life the way that I do.  I was compelled to do so, not by any person, but by my heart.  The way of the heart has been my life for as long as I can remember, only there was a time when I did not understand that my heart was the ruler of my life, and that I could not resist its calling.  Every important and life altering decision I have ever taken, has been made by my heart.  Even though I have a logical brain, I understand that some things must defy logic.  That is the beauty and the miracle of life. That is the mystery.  It was not until I read and connected with The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, that I came to understand the way in which I lived out my life.  As I read the book, every thing that was written made perfect sense and resonated within my soul.  Through the writing of Paulo, was I able to see and comprehend the way in which I lived my life, as well as coming to the understanding that I could no longer hold back what was in my heart.  It was and always will be unalterable.  It will never change.  It cannot ever change.  I am my heart and my heart is me, we are one and my heart needed to be set free.

However, there come days and moments when everything appears to be wrong. I feel a sense of loss, unhappiness and frustration.  I can no longer see where the path is leading me and I am no longer able to understand why I am leading this life, doing what I do, living where I am, being who I am.  I experience a deep rooted feeling of sadness and despair that I have not yet experienced what it means to be a husband and a father and I question whether that is ever going to happen for me.  I become unable to see any clear way forward, everything becomes dark, as if a light has gone out, the flame of my passion extinguished, and with it, my ability to continue to walk my path.

In these moments, I think negative thoughts.  I question the point in all of this.  I begin to sink, down into the dark abyss of hopelessness, of the futility of continuing on in life.  If I strive to make my life the one that I want but never achieve my ultimate dream, then why should I persevere?  Wouldn't it be better to just give it all up, to go quietly away?  After all, my parents, brother and sister and old friends back in England have gotten used to my being away, it's been so many years already that I have chosen to live my life overseas.  I would hardly be missed, I am sure.  Yes, that must be the answer.  One day, they will wonder why they have not heard from me, and perhaps they will wonder why it has been longer than usual?  But then, perhaps, they won't.  My books, my blog, my writing, my poetry will be the legacy that I leave to this world.  Little known, waiting to be discovered, like so many other budding authors, poets, artists, musicians.  Maybe then, my family will read all that I have written and finally understand who I really was?  Why I had to be away, what I believe in, what I stand for, and what so many other people are able to see - my soul?  These moments are dark, these moments are bleak.  Everything seems lost to me. 

Then there comes a moment when I gain an understanding once more.  I see the setting sun on the beach over the ocean.  I see the beautiful face of a woman, as she smiles at me and I feel a leap in my heart and know that one day, I will be a husband.  I hear the laughter of children, as they play on the sand and I know that my job is not yet done, that fatherhood is still mine to grasp.  I see horses running free in a field of green, with a newly risen morning sun cresting the hills that provide a backdrop to this scene.  I witness the wonders of the aquatic world that continues to fill me with such peace, tranquility, wonder and awe.  My soul feels replenished and my heart shakes free of the dark shackles that threatened to bind it and imprison it forever.  My heart will never be a prisoner, it yearns to be free and freedom is what I will always strive to give to it.

Faith.  Faith is what we all must have if we are to make good on the promises we made to ourselves.  Faith is what we must maintain if we are to remain true to our hearts.  Yes, the dark days will come.  Sometimes, those days will turn into weeks and even months.  But do not fear, for those days will always pass, just as long as you keep faith as your ally, just as long as you keep faith as your weapon, because faith will always defeat doubt.  It is faith that will guide you back to the path, that will reveal your dreams to you once more, that will shine the light for you, when you are no longer able to shine the light for yourself.  Without faith, then we will become lost.  Faith will always guide you back home, because faith knows that home is where your heart is.

I will never give up my fight.  I know that in order to achieve those things that I truly want in life, I have to work hard, I have to understand all of the lessons that have been shown to me, I must read the signs that are placed before my eyes and I must continue to heed the calling of my heart.  But this is not all.  I could do all of these things and still go nowhere, still remain static, in a world of unchanging scenery.  In order to move on and get closer to my dreams, I must take a step forward.  With the sword of faith at my side, I will take that step and when I do, everything will change.  The light will shine forth from my heart to show me the way, to guide me.

Sometimes life tests our resolve.  If you truly want to achieve your dreams, and if those dreams are your one true path, then you will push through the darkness and you will reach the light that awaits you on the other side.  When you do, you will become stronger, more sure of your path, and more able to deal with the challenges that lie in wait.  Nothing that we truly wish to achieve in life will ever come easily.  Do not be fooled into thinking that it will.  Keep the faith and the rewards will be yours in return.  It has always been that way and it will always continue to be that way, until the ending of time itself.

_________________________