Authenticity In Life Means The Classroom Too

Today, a group of students in my trainee teacher placement class told me that I was their favourite student teacher, and that they had informed their parents that I was very nice.  This was only my fourth day of placement with the class and at the time, I could not help but feel an immense sense of personal achievement.  One of my goals had been to create connections between myself and the students, as I see that as a way of facilitating the classroom.  When I mentioned this to my associate teacher, she warned me not to be too friendly with the students.  This raises an interesting question: in terms of relationships in the classroom, what is the acceptable distance between a teacher and their students?

I have to be me.  I cannot be any other person.  That was one of the hardest lessons of my life (along with understanding the need for self love) and my inability to be my authentic and true self, caused me to pursue a path and life goals that were not of my own making, but rather the path on which I thought I should walk.  When I am not true self, I can feel that life does not resonate with my heart, we are out of sync, and although the person I see reflected back at me in the mirror looks like me, inside I know that we are different.  Being true to yourself and true to everything in which you believe is not always easy.  We are all under extreme and intense pressures to conform, to meet the wants and needs of our parents, siblings, friends, peers, colleagues, and society in general.  We are bombarded every waking moment with imagery and ideas about what is the right way to look and the lifestyle to which we should aspire.  It's hard not to be persuaded when everything around you tells you the same thing.  These clothes, this hairstyle, these shoes, this career, this house, this mortgage, this car, this phone, these appliances, this scent, this watch, and on and on and on...  

In England last year, after some unfortunate circumstances, I dusted off the old life and I tried it on again for size, the one from which I had turned away from almost nine years previously.  I could still do it, I could go through the motions, I could see how I would be able to make it all work again, just as I had once before.  The job was not difficult, my colleagues were an amazing bunch, the business objectives were aligned with my own thinking, the commute (although a pain) was manageable, the pay was sufficient, and the perks adequate.  I rented a small but comfortable apartment within five minutes walk of the beach, close to shops and other amenities.  I bought a car so that I could make the commute to work.  Suddenly, after years of pursuing my own personal life goals and dreams, I was caught up in a different life, the one I had left behind.  As I sat, hour after hour in front of a computer screen in the office, I knew that this was not my purpose in life.  As good at the work as I might be, it does nothing for my pulse and for my passion.  I cannot find life by looking at a screen because for me, life is in the living, breathing, miracle of nature and in people.  That was the truth from which I had hidden from for so long before and I vowed I would not make the same mistake twice.  At least not unless I had no other option.

Here I am then, ten weeks on from leaving that job, that apartment, and that life.   I've just completed my fourth day of my first trainee teacher placement and I am dealing with life again.  These are lives that I can see, hear, and smell.  These are lives that are beautifully unique, each and every one of them, whether they know it or not, a living, breathing, miracle.  And I want them to know that.  That is why I came to teaching.  These are not just part of a job, something that I have to deal with on a daily basis.  These kids represent a fantastic opportunity, a chance to engage in their lives, and to hopefully make a positive difference.  Through our interactions with each other we will learn together, we will grow together, we will evolve together.  They will enrich my life, as I hope that I will be able to enrich theirs.  How can I disengage myself from that opportunity?  How can I partially close the door on that chance?  Why should I?

Of course, there is a need to maintain a distance.  The line of teacher and student must not become blurred.  I am certainly not looking to be a mate or a buddy.  Does that prevent me from making honest connections and sharing with them?  I do not think it does.  In all of my life, I have connected with people from all walks of life, the rich, the poor, the office cleaners, factory workers, secretaries, scuba instructors, executives, and all of those somewhere in between.  No one person is defined by what they do and it is an error in judgement to believe that someone is the job that they do, rather than the person who they are.  How do you know what is in their heart and their head?  What we do today is only the briefest glimpse into the story of our life, a snapshot of time that does not define who we are.  What defines us is how we act and whether we are brave enough to act in harmony with our true self, when everything around us tells us otherwise.  I cannot be my true and authentic self if I create artificial lines and barriers in the classroom.  I have to be me.  I know no other way.

Carl Rogers and William Glasser, two American psychologists, both adhered strongly to the view that authenticity in the classroom was a key factor in generating an environment conducive to learning.  They saw the role of the teacher as a facilitator and leader, rather than the boss type who simply laid down the rules and instructed.  I see that to get the most out of someone, you need to understand them, to know what makes them tick, what they like to do, what hobbies and passions they have.  This information is crucial in making connections with the students.  Not superficial connections for the sake of it, but deep and meaningful connections that show that you care about them - because you do.  If this is what I am doing, then I am happy with the situation.  As long as we can maintain a teaching and learning environment that observes the jointly agreed classroom rules, and is respectful, then I see no problem whatsoever.  If the students view me as a friend, then so be it.  I will be their friend for the time that they are in my class.  I will support them when they need it, I will help them when they need it, and I will tell them when they are wrong or out of line.  That's what you want from a friend isn't it?  That's what we all need.  These kids don't want or need someone busting their butts all day, they need a place where they can come and feel welcome, respected, and supported.

If I find that this does not work then I'll re-evaluate and I'll learn from it.  That's what life is all about.  We learn, we grow, we evolve.  It is the never ending process of what it means to be alive and to be human.  I am learning all the time, about these amazing, talented, and special kids that I have the honour and privilege of working with, and from everything that occurs around me.  I'll never stop learning and I'll never stop being the true and authentic me. If that means that teaching is not the job for me after all, then so be it, because I am never going to stop caring about people and wanting the best for them.

~ ~ ~

Love is not something that I do
Love is not something that I give
Love is not something that I have 
Love is simply all that I am
And I return love to the universe
Through the openness of my heart
And the authenticity of my words, actions, and deeds
So that it may cause a ripple, that creates a wave
That changes every thing, in every place, for all time.

Andy Smith, 26 March 2015

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The Boxing Day Miracles

There are some days which are almost too perfect to be true.  These are the days when every element combines to create magical moment after magical moment.  A day when it feels as though miracles are occurring all around and the air is full of hope, happiness and expectation.  Today it seems, was destined to be one such day.

I cannot say why such days occur.  All I can tell you is that they do.  It was as though my inner feelings were reflected in perfect symmetry by the material world that surrounded me.  The day started well.  The winter sun was shining in a sky bereft of a single cloud, and although that sun is only a few days past its most distant from the Northern Hemisphere, there was a warmth in those rays, that hurtled towards the Earth at the speed of light, to strike at this particular spot on the planet, basking my parents home town in all of its radiant glory.  That is enough to make me feel a deep and profound sense of happiness well up from within.  That is enough to make me smile on the inside.  That is enough to know that there is goodness in the universe.

My parents home town of Bognor Regis is fortunate enough to benefit from some great feats of Victorian ingenuity and foresight.  The best of these is the promenade that runs parallel to the sea, and stretches for a distance of some 2.5 miles, from the western end of the town's reaches at Aldwick, to its eastern most at Felpham.  This is where Victorians would flock to the coast to take in the medicinal air of the sea.  Today, it was no different.  People of all types, all shapes, all sizes, all nationalities, all religions flocked to the promenade, to walk alongside the ocean, to enjoy the rays of sun, and to take in some fresh sea air.  Perhaps it was the time of year, it was the day after Christmas after all (the day known as Boxing Day in England), or perhaps it was just that for three days before today, England had been suffering from continual bouts of strong winds and rain and very little glimpses of  the sun, but whatever it was, there was something magical that hung in the air, that swirled in and around the people.

Bognor Regis Promenade circa 1934

© Standard.co.uk

It was this something magical that created a common bond between everyone.  Whether they were as aware of it as I was, I could not tell, but one thing was certain, each one of us who walked along the promenade did so with souls that were joined together with one single purpose.  We combined the energy of our hearts and we became one people.  I felt it.  To me, it was palpable.  I could discern the mystical lines of energy and I am sure that if I wished it, I could have reached out my hand and grasped at individual strands.  These were the fibres of an ancient, primeval energy, that joined together in unison to create a force whose whole was far greater than the sum of each individual strand.  As I walked along the promenade on this day, I knew that I was witnessing a miracle, I was part of the magic, I was contributor and witness both.  I could not help but to smile and to laugh and to engage with those that I saw.  I wanted everyone to know that I was there, that I was with them and that I too was part of the miracle that was taking place all around.

Later in the day, I walked with my parents and my sister across the South Downs of southern England, across the fields clogged with mud and puddles, footprints and hoof prints mixed in an almost indistinguishable mess.  We were walking in the hills, near to the village of Slindon, West Sussex.  It was one of those afternoons.  Did I know that further magic was in the air as I spoke with my father and mentioned how amazing it would be to see some wild deer running free across the fields?  How could I have known?  I am not, as far as I am aware, gifted (cursed?) with foresight.  However, this area of the South Downs is populated by deer and although it is not exactly rare to see deer, it is not a particularly common occurrence either.  Wild deer tend to shy away from humans.

At the top of one particular hill sits Nore Folly, an odd looking structure built in the mid eighteenth century.  A folly is an oddity of its time.  It was a non-functional structure, often built in the Gothic style by the land owners of the day as a show of wealth.  Our path today took us to the top of this hill and up to the folly itself. At the sight of the folly, we were afforded glorious views out across the flat lands of the flood plains, that stretch from the base of the hills, all the way to the line of the coast, some five miles as the crow flies.  The waters of the English Channel appeared to be in flame and were almost too bright to look upon, as they reflected the late afternoon sun.

Nore Folly at Slindon

 © dailytelepgraph.co.uk

Looking down the hill to our left, across the furrows of the ploughed winter fields bare of crop, down to the dell below, there was a movement.  Bounding from the cover of trees came a deer, then another, leaping across the fields, moving ever further away, until they abruptly changed direction and swung around to head up the field and straight towards our position.  This would have been enough to confirm the magic of the day, but there was to be more.  Two deer became three, became four, then five, six, seven, eight!  The first two deer, perhaps braver than the rest, had been followed a few bounds behind by a further six deers, all of whom were now bounding their way up the hill and straight towards us!  Eight wild deer raced past us, cold air vapourising from their nostrils, leaving us standing silently in spellbound rapture.

This had truly been a day when magic was created.  Or perhaps that magic continues to exist all around us every single moment of every single day.  Only our cluttered lives, our rushing from one place to another, our cocooned lifestyles, that have become ever more disconnected from the natural world, perhaps it is these things that prevent us from experiencing this magic on a daily basis.  When we unplug, when we allow ourselves the time to experience and to enjoy nature, then the possibilities for magic are created.  Step outside of your door, take a walk, open your heart and your soul, and allow yourself to breathe in the magic.  Let your eyes see the world as it truly is, a world that is full of miracles, just waiting for you.

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Life On The One True Path

When you're doing something that you truly enjoy, something that gives you passion for life, it is impossible to stop smiling. This is because your heart, soul, body and mind are all in unison and they have truly become one thing only. And that one thing is love.

This is exactly what will happen to you when you walk your one true path.  There are going to be many moments when you find yourself smiling, laughing, skipping, dancing or singing for no other reasons than simply because you can, and simply because you feel like it.  There will be moments when you feel such an up-welling of positive life energy, that people will look at you as if you are mad, and perhaps you are!  After all, only mad people give up the normal daily grind of life to go off and follow their hearts in search of adventure, and to seek out true meaning for themselves - right?  When you are on the path, even doing jobs that might be considered trivial, mundane, or even viewed as being beneath you back in the ordinary world, will become important and integral parts of your life and you'll face them with joy, gusto and happiness, rather than doing them begrudgingly or with a sense of resentment.

The first time I can recall experiencing this, was during my time in Malaysia.  It must have been sometime around April 2006 and it had been perhaps five or six months since I had left my job working at IBM, where I had held several management positions.  One morning, I was sweeping the sand off the decking of the dive centre where I was training to become a PADI Dive Master.  I can remember vividly, looking along the arc of perfect white sand, lined with palm trees that was Long Beach, on the island of Kecil Perhentian.  In this moment, I smiled and laughed to myself in the realisation that I had never been happier than right then and right there.  I laughed to myself at how my life had changed so drastically in those few months.  I had exchanged designer suits, shirts, silk ties and expensive shoes for a pair of board shorts.  I had exchanged my daily commute through traffic for an easy walk along the beach.  I had exchanged my office for a beach.  And I had exchanged my laptop for a broom.  This was the first time that I knew I was walking my one true path and I felt an up-welling of pure and simple joy that I was unable to prevent.  It did not matter that I was only sweeping sand off of a decking, because sweeping sand was a necessary part of living my dream.

This joie de vivre permeates into everything that you do.  It is like an infectious disease that will invade your body and mind and it will invade the fabric of your very soul.  Whenever I am at work, or around the customers that come to scuba dive or snorkel with us, I become animated and alive.  I smile and laugh a lot, I engage with them and take a personal interest in them and their enjoyment.  I want to know where they come from and how it is there.  I enjoy exchanging stories and anecdotes about places and experiences.  I make silly jokes and I try to keep them entertained.  I do not ever feel like I have to do this, or that I am working.  I don't have to think about it.  It comes naturally and I know it comes from within my soul.  I do this for no other reason than because I feel alive and completely at one with my heart.  I am unable to stop doing it because the energy and love that I feel inside of myself needs to flow out and be released back to the universe.  When my heart sings, it is impossible not to sing along to its beat, to its rhythm and to its song.

It is not the same for every person who does the same job that I do now.  Some people will find talking to customers difficult, they will view it as part of the job that needs to be done because ultimately, we are in the entertainment industry.  They might resent that they have to lift heavy scuba tanks up and down the beach, sweep sand, or have to wash and rinse scuba gear at the end of each day's diving.  And this job is not every person's dream job.  I changed my life and discovered my own dream.  I know what it is like to walk on the path that is not your own because I did that for thirty five years.  But because this is my dream, when I am doing it, I feel completely at one with the universe. 

There will always be moments and there will be days when things do not go so well.  Even on the one true path you are still going to hit bumps in the road and suffer setbacks.  This is the inevitability of life.  Without setbacks we can never learn the lessons that are necessary to progress in life and to evolve our spirits.  My life has not always been easy.  In fact, I would never describe it as easy.  It is too easy to look at someone who seems to always carry a positive outlook in life and to think that they had it easy, or that they have always enjoyed good fortune.  This will never be the truth.  I suffered when I was young from being overweight and all of the problems associated with it and as I have written in previous blogs, I still carry those scars with me to this day.  However, I no longer recall that I was overweight or relive the days of suffering from teasing in the school yard.  What I choose to remember is that I had the strength to change my life and to do something about my physical appearance.  That taught me an incredibly valuable lesson: that I was able to accomplish anything that I put my mind to and I possessed the inner strength to change.  I have spent much of my adult life alone and without the love of a partner or companion on my journey.  That still causes me a lot of anguish and I wonder often about whether I will ever find that special person to share my life with.  There are times when I think about how alone I have been, or how much time I have lived without the love of someone special in my life and I cry.  But I tell myself that she will come when I am ready, she will come when I reach that point along my path.  I have moments during my working day when I need to deal with difficult situations or with difficult people.  I have a boss and just like all bosses, he can be a jerk at times and leave you wondering what is going on.  In my old life, even the smallest of setbacks could quickly snowball into something much bigger.  Each setback seemed to add to the previous and it could sometimes seem like an endless stream of them.  I would torment myself about being alone and without love in my life.  I would struggle to understand my purpose in life and I would ask myself why was I even here?  My life held no real meaning for me.  It was so easy to be pushed off course and to become lost in the dark void of despair.

All of that changed as soon as I began to walk my one true path.  Now, even if I suffer a setback, I am easily able to deal with it.  I either fix the problem or, if I am unable to fix it, I quickly move on and leave it behind.  I have a balance and a centre of gravity within my soul that was completely lacking before.  Even when I suffer a major setback, such as my recent relationship break-up and the loss of love, I am able to deal with it, without it causing me huge amounts of sorrow and pain.  In my old life, I would fall into darkness.  I would be lost in a chasm of sorrow.  So how am I now able to do maintain my joy in life and my positivity even though I still suffer setbacks?  Simply because by walking my one true path, I have found an inner peace and stability that did not exist previously.  I know that when I am on my path, doing what it is that I love to do, I feel the joy and happiness of which I wrote in the preceding paragraphs.  That is my core.  That is what gives me my belief and faith in the universe.  Walking my one true path makes me so incredibly happy, it is almost impossible to feel any other emotion.  That is not to say that I do not.  It is just that any negative emotions seems to fall away, like the droplets of water sliding off a duck's back.  They try to stick to me but they are unable to do so any longer.  My happiness cannot be contained.  My happiness cannot be dented.  My happiness cannot be stopped.  As long as I stay true to my heart and continue to walk my one true path. 

I walk my one true path and because I do so, everything becomes one.  I am immersed in love.  I walk in the light.  And when I do, I know that I am part of the miracle of life and the universe.  And at the centre of the universe can be found the most simple thing.  At the centre of the universe there is just one word written.  And that word is love.

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