The Cry of the Mountain

The Cry of the Mountain

I woke up and I was giddy with excitement and euphoria. I knew what it was I wanted to do! But then I looked at how difficult it would be to begin, I saw the mountain towering above me, and as I gazed toward its lofty summit, I knew that it would be impossible to reach it. "Madness!" I thought, "Utter madness to even think I could do it." I started to turn away and as soon as did, I began to feel a sense of relief wash over me as the mountain slowly faded from my sight, and with it, my dream, like the leaves of autumn, falling slowly around my feet to be lost, and reborn in another time and another life.

In that moment of turning, through the waves of relief that washed over me, I sensed something else. I caught the sound of faint cries carried on the wind. I paused to listen because my instinct told me that someone was in great distress, someone was out there, floundering and lost, and if I could do it, then I was going to help them. The cries were coming from behind me, from the very place on which I had just turned my back. I felt a compulsion to keep going, to ignore this cry for help, but I could not. I had to turn around and to see what I could do.

The act of turning would not come and I stood, frozen in space and time, as the last cry echoed and died away around me. I knew that if I did turn, towering high above me and bearing witness to my cowardice, would be the mountain that I knew not how to climb. I was caught in hesitation between that which scared me and the cries for help, and the compulsion to keep going, with my back at the mountain, and to ignore everything and to pretend it had never happened, that I had not heard the voice.  The cry came again only this time, although it was fainter, I could discern its urgency and dire need.  

I cannot explain why I did what I did.  I've looked back upon this moment in the times since and I am still unable to say what happened.  I recall taking a step away from the mountain only to stumble at taking a second.  It felt as though the entire universe was watching me at that very moment, I could feel the weight of its gravity pushing down with such crushing force, piercing my soul with its gaze.  For an instant I stopped.  There had been no further cry for help and perhaps it was this that gave me pause.  All I know is that pause I did and it felt like the universe held its breath in unison. I moved again, only it was not to take a step forwards as I had been expecting, it was to turn myself about, to look upon the lofty peak of that impenetrable mountain once more.  

I waited and listened for the cry, my eyes searched the trees, scanned the lower levels of the mountain, looking for anything that would give me a clue as to the location of the helpless victim. I saw no one, I heard no one.  I walked forward a few paces altering the angle at which I was looking into the trees, hoping that perhaps I would see some colour that would indicate an item of clothing.  Nothing.  I stepped forward a little more, scanning the mountain ridges, looking at the gullys, fixing my eyes on the trees. Still there was no one.  I decided that I would give it up, that I had perhaps heard the cries of an eagle or some other bird of prey on the wind, on the hunt.  I looked once more time and then I saw it.

There, in among the darkness of the trees was an opening I had not seen before.  Could it be the way through?  I tried my best to guess the direction it would take through the forest and I lifted my eyes up to scan the lower slopes of the mountain. There!  Could it be?  It was almost too good to be true.  What looked like a trail, barely visible, wound its way up the mountainside for some distance before disappearing.  I could not have seen it from where I had been standing before.  It only became clear once I had taken a few steps toward the mountain.  

I began to walk forwards.  I do not recall being aware of this until suddenly, looming up before me stood the trunks of the ancient and mighty trees in the forest.  Now I stopped once more, not in hesitation but so I could remember this moment.  I turned and looked back from whence I had come and I saw that already I had travelled some distance along the path.  Perhaps it would become harder now.  I tightened my pack, took a deep breath and plunged forwards into the forest, into the unknown, taking one step then another along the path.  

It was then I heard the laughter all around, coming from everywhere all at once and I knew that the laughter was from the same person who had cries out in distress before.  I smiled and then I too laughed and I laughed with great and profound joy.  There had never been anyone else.  The cries, just as with the laughter had come from within myself.  My heart had spoken, my heart had known the suffering that would have occurred had I walked away from the mountain, and it had known that my dream would have been lost, perhaps forever.  Now, it was full of joy because at long last we were together making the journey, our journey.  We were on the path towards our dreams.  Perhaps we would never reach the top of the mountain.  Perhaps the trail would stop part way up.  But at least now I was going to find out.  I would discover all there was and I might find out more than I could ever have realised.  This was an adventure.  Together, my heart and I, we were on the path.  We were on our true path, and now the possibilities were endless.

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The Deepest Desire

The old man bade me stop.  With the aid of his staff, on which he leaned heavily, he shuffled a few steps further forward and I felt the pain that must have been in those old arthritic bones.  With a swiftness of speed that defied his age, he whirled around to face me.  At that moment, everything shifted and became blurred.  I felt a sense of dizziness and I wanted to reach out to steady myself, but there was nothing to which I could hold.  I staggered, ready to fall.  "Stand up straight and look at me!", the old man spoke with such commanding authority that I was compelled to look, even though I wanted to drop to the ground on my knees.

I stared at the old man in wonder.  His robes were the same, yet his face was changed.  Gone were the deep lines that had been etched and carved into his leathery skin, the combined effects of wind, rain and sun, over countless passing of the seasons.  His eyes, that had been almost blind with milkiness, shone clear and bright, and there was a light that burned in them now, the like of which I had never seen.

I could not help but to stand transfixed, lost in the depths of those eyes, unable to look away.  The light seemed to burn into me, a dazzling blue electricity that reached into my soul.  I followed that light and together we plunged into the depths of my being.  It felt like falling into an endless abyss where time held no meaning.  At the moment that I thought we could fall no further, I found the words that I had long been seeking.  There they were, at the very root of my own soul, entwined in the fibre of my being, the words that my heart recognised and knew as its own.  Here at last was the answer to that which I had sought for too long.

"This is your truth, for the heart reveals the wisdom of eternity past and eternity future", it was the voice of the old man.  "It is not enough to feel the truth of them, it is necessary to speak the words out loud, to make these words your own."

I tore my eyes away from the old man and I looked up at the sky.  I felt the warmth of the sun, that giver of life and energy, and I spoke the words that had shaped my entire life and existence, the words of the deepest desire of my heart and my soul.

"To know love."

It was that simple.  Those three words encompassed everything and explained my entire life.  I could see it all plainly, my life history stretching backwards to the moment of my birth.  As I looked back in time, one thing was abundantly clear to me: throughout my entire life, I had been involved in a constant fight for love.  The love of my parents, the love of another heart, and perhaps most importantly, the love of myself.  I could see something else as well, I could see that I had been afraid of achieving my deepest desire out of the fear that it would never meet with my expectations.

All of this happened in an instant.  Even as the word love hung in the air, I turned back towards the old man, but the old man was no longer there.  Where a moment before he had stood leaning on his staff, a mighty tree now grew.  I stared in bewilderment.  I felt dazed and overwhelmed with emotion.  Perhaps it only occurred in my imagination, but as I stared at that tree, at its deep, furrowed, protective bark, I am certain that I saw the tree smile.

Walking back down the mountainside to return to the village, I knew that I would no longer be afraid.  From this day on, I would confront my desire and I would no longer run from it.  With courage as my companion, we would look love in the eyes and together, we would let ourselves fall into its warm embrace.

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The Lull After The Storm

After a storm comes a time of tranquility.  The dark clouds roll away, the flashes of lightning and the rumbles of thunder seek out new horizons, new eyes and ears to torment.  The rain ceases, the sky clears, the winds calm, and a stillness settles over all of life.  Peace comes again to the land.  And it is no different with the heart.  At times, when we walk the one true path, we must battle through a raging storm, so that we may find the peace that exists on the other side.  But for how long does that peace last?  Does the voice of our heart ever cease its constant urging? 

When we seek out our dreams, we must do battle with many elements, with many foes.  During the battle, the heart must know when to defend and parry the blows of our enemies, and it must know when the time is right to strike, to swing the sword that will ultimately defeat them, and lay them by the wayside.  The heart suffers during the struggle for our dreams, but ultimately, if you persevere, you will succeed - always.  After the final battle, when the dream has been realised, so to do you enter into a time of tranquility and peace.  You have achieved all that you set out to achieve, you have your heart's desire, you have arrived at the end of your path.  You can sit down and relax, you can look back upon the trials and the tribulations, the times of sufferings, the moments when you thought you had failed, the times of victories that kept you pushing on, you see and feel the scars of battle that you know you will carry for the rest of your days, and you feel a deep satisfaction at having arrived at the place that you intended, of having achieved your dream.  You will live out the rest of your days with all of this knowledge and you will be content and happy.

This is how I thought it was going to be.  After I achieved my dreams, I would find peace and contentment within my heart.  It is true, that I did for a short while, for a time I was happy and I did bask in the glow of my success - actually, I still do - but there is always a feeling that will not, that cannot ever go away.  It sits in my heart, sometimes quietened by the joys of knowing all that I have achieved, by the flying of my soul as it soars on the wings of our successes, but the voice is never truly gone.  Even in the times of great elation, I can hear its whisper of gentle urging.  It tells me that we are not yet finished, that there is still more to be done.  This voice speaks to me of other dreams yet to be fulfilled, of other quests that are yet to be begun, it shows to me that the path is not ended, and I hear the truth of its words, nay, I know the truth of its words.  These words fall heavily, raining down like a hammer on the anvil, each one ringing out with chimes and the weight of truth.

There was a time when I would never have described myself as ambitious or driven.  I was content to follow, happy to be a nameless part of the herd, lost within the safety of the many, never seeking to stand out and to be different.  But I could not remain that way.  Always, there was a feeling inside of me that I could, that I should, do more, that more importantly, I should be me.  I struggled for many years to find my voice, to be able to stand with confidence and to show the world who I was.  Eventually, I did, it was inevitable, I only needed to find the right place and to channel my energy.  From that day forth, I realised that many things were achievable in life, that I could rise above the afflictions, that I could distance myself away from all that I had been and known before, that I could be my true self.  With this realisation came ambition and a drive to achieve.  All of the problems and the sufferings I had known for those many years and overcome, fuelled me.  I knew that if I could overcome all of those things, then I could overcome anything, and so I began my journey, my quest to see just how far I could take things.  I became driven to succeed in whatever I set my heart upon.

With this drive, came the realisation of my dreams.  I did not look on it as such at the time, but that is exactly what it was.  My drive brought to me opportunity, promotions, overseas business travel, and as each of these occurred, I thought I had reached my plateau, achieved what I had set out to achieve.  My heart always had different ideas.  I was happy for a short time and then I yearned for more.  I knew that I needed to keep on moving forward in order to grow, I was an unstoppable snowball rolling down the mountainside. 

Even now, in a different life, on a very different path, I am just the same.  My heart sets itself upon an idea, a dream that I wish to bring to reality within my waking world, and as soon as the seed is sown, I am unable to shake it.  Of course, I can choose to ignore it, I can turn my head away and refuse to listen to that quiet voice inside of my heart, to ignore its urges and its calls to arms.  But I am unable to ignore it for long.  I know that eventually, I must come back to it, to water the seed that has put out its small tendrils within the soils of my soul, that has gotten itself fixed around my heart, and I must tend to it, I must nurture it, for it is me and I am it.

You see, life is like that.  The storm may pass us by but the truth is that the next one is soon to arrive.  The peace and tranquility we find in between is our time for respite, a chance to recover our strength, an opportunity to internally digest and comprehend the lessons that our previous battle has shown to us, it is a time for contemplation, for recovery and it is a time to look to the future, to the next storm, the next battle that is coming.  For the storm will always come and when it does, you must be ready.  A heart that walks the path is a heart that can never lie dormant for long, it can never sleep.  It knows that path and it wants to keep on seeking, to keep on taking that next step.  And like it or not, you are going to go with it.  It is the way of the dreamers.  It is the way of the heart. 

We, we of the path, of the dream, of the light, of the heart.  We hear the call and we follow.  With shield and sword do we walk to the battle, to confront our enemies.  Our shield we call Faith, our sword we call Courage.  We shall never truly be defeated, for we are the walkers of light, on our one true path.  For we are the heartstrong, and always shall the light show us the way.

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Hidden Strength, Incredible Courage

Today, I was fortunate enough to spend an afternoon in the company of one of the bravest people I have ever had the pleasure to meet.  Oliver came snorkeling this afternoon, along with his family, and I could not help noticing the large lump that protruded from his chest, one the left side, around the same area of his heart.  At first I assumed it was a birth mark or some form of abnormal growth, like an abscess. A little later I caught part of a conversation that alluded to something far worse, far more sinister.  It turned out that Oliver was half way through his three year treatment for leukemia.  Oliver is eight years old.

Oliver and his family were in Costa Rica through the Make A Wish Foundation.  Oliver is crazy passionate about birds and it was Oliver's dream to come to Costa Rica, so that he could see the bird life here.  From watching Oliver, there was not a trace of any indication that he was ill or that he was going through the trauma of chemotherapy treatments.  He was an extremely pleasant, lively and engaging boy.  He avidly watched as we passed by a colony of pelicans and frigates, and later, he informed us all that two birds standing on some rocks were cormorants.

Although Oliver had never snorkelled before and did not really know how to swim, he nonetheless jumped into the water wearing his little orange life preserver, and with some assistance from myself, we managed a spot of snorkelling, until he became cold and started to shiver, and so we headed back to the boat.  On the boat, I got him laughing and giggling as he and I performed the cookie dance, which, for those of you not familiar with local customs here in Costa Rica, is an absolute necessity before you are allowed a packet of cookies from our cooler on the boat.


The lump on Oliver's chest was the valve through which they administer the chemotherapy drugs.  His mother referred to it as his 'volcano'.  I could not help but think of what it must be like for little Oliver to have pipes going into his body, pouring in a toxic mix of chemicals, in the hope of destroying the cancerous cells.  How hard must it be also, for a parent to look on, helpless, as their child lies there in the hospital, suffering and fighting?  What strength and courage does it take to do that?  I cannot imagine it.

This afternoon's experience set me to thinking about inner strength.  Often, it is those people who never complain, who simply get on with life, those who never say a word and just shrug and carry on, that are the strongest.  We do not notice those people because they make no fuss, they make no commotion, they do not complain about their lot, they just quietly go about dealing with their problems.  Very often too, these are the same people who take on the problems of others, those people who will always listen, always stay calm and offer advice.  Even when their own world may be in tatters, when their own problems seem insurmountable, they will always make time to listen and help other people, they will put aside their problems and give you their help and support.  These are the 'go to' people.  I am sure you know someone who fits this description.  If you can think of someone like that in your life, drop them a message and tell them two very simple words, tell them, thank you.

Oliver.  He was so small, so innocent in this world and yet, what he has to deal with is enormous.  It is a heavy burden to carry and at the end of the treatment, there is still the chance that it could all be in vain.  There are no guarantees for Oliver, only percentages and statistics.  Oliver, I salute you.  You are one of the bravest people I have had the pleasure to meet.  Thank you for coming into my life and brightening up my afternoon, and for enriching my soul. 

If you are interested in getting involved or making a donation, please check out the Make A Wish Foundation at: http://www.wish.org/

People like Oliver deserve to have their dreams come true.

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Echoes Through Eternity

In life, it is the grand gestures, the remarkable experiences, the amazing sights and sounds, and the deepest sensations, that strike us the most and are the moments that burn themselves into our minds, to become memories to be lived again, and stories to be shared.  At these times, we know that perhaps something significant occurred: the realisation or the awakening of a dream, that a shift in the direction of the path took place, a heart opened to possibility and joy of new love, or was crushed and receded in pain at the loss of an old love.  It is to these moments that we pay closest attention, looking for significance in them, seeking out their meaning and in so doing, we forget that life does not only consist of these grand moments, life, and the path on which we all walk, is made of an endless myriad of moments that are so small and seemingly ordinary, that we attach no significance to their existence.  Perhaps we do so to our detriment and peril.

Think of a drop of water.  One single drop is powerless, insignificant, it can do nothing.  Imagine the rain beginning to fall on to the side of a mountain and that first single drop that falls.  As the rain begins, other single drops hit the ground and in the beginning, nothing happens.  As other drops fall, they begin to join with the ones that fell before them and soon, a trickle of water begins. The drops keep falling, adding to the trickle that becomes a stream and the stream runs down the mountainside.  The stream begins to act on small stones and rocks, pulling them along in its water, and imperceptibly, the mountain is changed.  The rain continues and more drops fall. The stream meets another and they combine their strength, together they charge down the mountain, and at its head, our first drop of rain leads the charge. Now, larger rocks are caught in the torrent and they tumble down the mountainside.  Water flows on rock, rock hits rock, changes are made.  This torrent eventually finds a river and the river seeks out its true destiny and joins with the ocean.  One day, a huge wind blows and pushes the water in its wake, generating huge swells that become storm breakers, that crash against the shore, that smash against the land, and that alter the landscape forever.  And as the largest wave gallops in, its white waters foaming and broiling before it, that first little drop of rain that fell from the sky onto the mountainside, rides at its head and leads the charge.       

Life is like this.  Every moment of our lives has the power to echo through eternity and to alter the course of the future.  These echoes affect not only our own future, but also the futures of others, those that already exist and those that are yet to come.  I began to think on this, after a friend of mine performed an incredibly selfless and genuine act of kindness to another person.  In that moment, I could see how the lives of both people had changed significantly.  Through this deed, the courage to continue along the true path might have been gained for one of them, perhaps even, this was an act that saved a life.  The truth is, we will never know.  But what this act was, was an amazing act of kindness from one who is seeking their true path, to another who was already walking their true path, and walking that path in the face of great adversity.  The spirit in one, recognised the spirit in the other, and life brought them together.  This act is going to echo through eternity.  My friend altered the course of history, my friend changed the world with her kindness.  More than this, by acting in this way, my friend also reaffirmed her own path.  She acted because her heart told her so.  The courage of one, was met with the courage of the other, who walked across a crowded room, and in so doing, changed the course of the future.

A small, seemingly insignificant event, one tiny drop in the ocean.  And one day, that single drop will ride at the front of the charge, and the pages of history will recall its name.      

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Facing The Fear, The Doubt And The Darkness

In life, there will always come moments of fear, of doubt and when the darkness must be faced.  To progress on the journey of life and to continue to evolve the spirit that lies within each of us, it is necessary to face the fear and the doubt, and the darkness that lies beyond, and it is necessary to overcome them.  If fear is never confronted, if doubts are never dispelled, and if through the darkness, the light never comes, then it is not possible to progress on the spiritual journey.  That journey along the path will cease and the evolution of the spirit will falter.  Do not be fooled into thinking that the path will vanish, for that same path will continue to exist, only the scenery will remain forever the same.  Those same trees that surround the place that has been reached, will continue to stand tall and firm, those same trees will be seen day, after day, after day.  But unlike the person that falters in the face of fear and doubt, the trees will continue to grow, since they have their own destiny and follow their own one true path, and because they show no fear in reaching for the sun.  There can be no growth in the heart and the soul of the person who stands still on their path.  To find the light, it is necessary to pass through the darkness.  There is no growth for those that do not overcome their fears and doubts.  For that person, only a life of fear, regret and spiritual stagnation awaits.

There will always be moments in life, when fear comes upon us.  It can strike at any time and it will often strike without warning.  One moment, it is possible to feel emboldened, ready to take on the world and yet in the next breath, cowardice strikes and with it, the urge to run away and hide from that which awaits.  Fear comes in many guises and it is often impossible to recognise it before it has its arms tightly wrapped around you, as it clutches you in its stifling embrace.  Make no mistake, fear can take the very breath from you.  Fear can make it so hard to breath that you feel you are going to faint,  and indeed, some people do.  Fear can stop all rational thought, making it impossible to think clearly, to make the correct judgements, and to take the necessary actions.  Fear feeds on itself.  It takes only a single, seemingly insignificant moment to plant the seed of fear in the mind, but as soon as that seed is planted, it will immediately take hold.  Shoots will spring forth, gripping ever more tightly, and the seed of fear, that small thing, has quickly grown into an out of control monster that cripples, that drains all strength and courage, and that prevents movement.

Fear lives in the head.  Courage resides in the heart.  The two are age old adversaries that have made battle since the first sentient beings took their first breaths on this planet.  The courage of the heart has no equal, it can vanquish the fear of the mind, but only if it is released and allowed to reach its full potential.  There is no amount of fear that courage cannot defeat.  If fear feeds on fear, then on what does courage feed?  It's my belief that courage has no need to feed, since courage is found in the heart.  I think of courage as a bottomless well, an endless abyss from which a never ending source of courage can be drawn.  Fear will always attempt to block the route to courage.  Fear will try to stifle the heart.  It will take its hands and attempt to strangle the very life out of it.  Fear must stop courage at all costs for it knows that if courage takes hold, fear is utterly lost.  This is the purpose of fear in life and this is the path on which fear walks.  There is only one thing that fear itself fears.  And that one thing is courage.

Passing through fear is a necessary step, if the journey of life and the spiritual evolution of the soul are to be continued.  If the step is not taken and fear is not confronted and defeated, then the particular lesson that life is attempting to teach will not be learned.  If the lesson is not learned, there will be a part of the journey that will never be experienced.  This part of the journey will forever remain a mystery and the fear associated with this experience will stay forever in the mind.  They will become inseparable.  Each time the same situation is encountered, that same fear will rise and plague the mind.  Paralysis will occur again and again, until such a time that the fear is finally overcome and vanquished.

The best way to illustrate this, is by providing an example of fear from my own life and to illustrate how, because I did not defeat my fear in the very beginning, that same fear has affected me time and again, and has been a continual bane in my life.  It happened when I was eleven years old.  Back then, I had a good group of friends that I spent time with after school and on weekends, I was focused and motivated at school, and I enjoyed my life very much.  From everything that I can remember about this period of my life, nothing daunted me.  But one Friday evening, everything changed.  My friends and I attended a local disco for under fourteen year olds, held at the local sports centre.  It was our first foray into the world of music, dancing and girls.  At first, everything was great.  We danced together as a group, we made silly jokes with one another and we made up silly dances to make each other laugh.  We were excited and excitable.  At some point, one of my friends noticed some of the girls from our school that shared the sames classes as us.  We started to talk about dancing with them.  One of them, who I'll call Natalie Jones, had been the object of my infatuation for a long time.  She was at the time, the most beautiful girl I had ever seen - pretty, slim, long golden blonde hair that fell off her shoulders and hung down her back and she took ballet classes.  At the age of eleven, if someone had asked me to define perfection, I would have replied without hesitation, "Natalie Jones".  And now, there she stood, just across the room, on the other side of the dance floor.  All I had to do, was to walk over and ask her for a dance.  One of the most simple things in life and yet, for me, at that moment, an impossible mountain to climb.  I could not do it.  I could not find the words in my mind to talk with her.  I didn't have a clue what I would say.  Fear seized me and held me in its vice like grip.  I had this one moment to shake it off, to reach down and seize my courage and to act, but I faltered and I was lost.  Instead of my first foray into the heady delights of dancing with girls, I feigned a sickness, left and went home.  I was defeated utterly by my fear.

And because of what happened at that disco, at the age of eleven, unable to confront and defeat my fear, that same thing has happened to me over and over again throughout my life.  Even now, if I am at a bar or club and I see an attractive girl, I become paralysed by fear and unable to do anything about it.  That same fear that caught me all those years ago, will not let go of me.  It continues to hold me.  There have been a few occasions when I have beaten it, but those few times I was heavily laden under the influence of alcohol or some other mind-altering substance.  This is my Achilles' heel.  This is the personal battle of my life.  Something so simple for so many has become the most daunting thing that I can ever face.  And all because I was unable to confront and defeat my fear when it first occurred, all of those years ago.

One person's fear cannot be compared with another.  What is feared is personal.  What is feared was conjured in the mind by a unique set of circumstances.  Why do some people fear heights and others not?  Why do some people jump out of airplanes and others quiver at the very thought?  In my life I have scuba dived with tiger sharks, bull sharks, great white sharks and many others; I have thrown myself off of a bridge attached to a bungee cord; I have given a talk to a room of eight hundred people; I have lived alone overseas in a country where I knew no one and could not speak the language; I took myself to the other side of the world to attend university; I looked upon my mother as she lay in her hospital bed, so frail and so weak, and it was difficult to recognise the woman that she had once been, before the cancer took hold of her body; I quit my career, sold up everything and completely changed my life; and I reveal deeply personal thoughts in my writing, in the hope that it may inspire others.  In all these things, I have felt fear and I have overcome that fear.  But what are my own fears, compared to those of someone facing a life-threatening illness?  They pale into insignificance.  Our fears are our own.  They are our own personal battles.  Perhaps the greatest battles that we ever face in life.  And as such, they are ours to overcome and they are ours to defeat.

The worst kind of fear is fear of the unknown.  If the object of our fear cannot be visualised, then how are we able to fight it?  We do not know what it is that we are fighting against, so we cannot choose the most suitable weapon and if we cannot see our enemy, then we do not know when or where to strike at it.  The most frightening horror movies are always those where the protagonist remains unseen, allowing the audience to build an image for themselves, to build the fear of the unknown.  Fear of the unknown is a primary reason that so many people do not discover their one true path in life.  Even if a person knows and understands what gives them passion in life, it is fear that prevents them from reaching out and taking it.  It is the not knowing what lies beyond today, it is the moving away from all that you know, from all that is comfortable and that gives security, that creates a fear so deep, that it seems that it cannot be overcome.  But it can.  Fear can always be defeated, even the unknown can be defeated.  The sword of courage is yours to wield.

Fear has a friend and an ally.  That friend is called doubt.  The two walk hand in hand.  Fear creates doubt.  Doubt leads to fear.  Fear leads to doubt.  Doubt creates fear.  The two are inseparable, creating a never ending cycle that constantly feeds upon itself.  There is only one way to break that cycle: by eliminating the fear and taking a step forward along the path.  By passing through the fear, the doubt is immediately dispelled.  One cannot live without the other.  Strike one and the other will fall.  When you strike, strike hard and deliver a fatal blow.  If not, the foes will quickly rise again, only this time, they will be stronger and better prepared.

In many ways, doubt is worse than fear, since doubt creeps up insipidly and unnoticed.  It begins to grow slowly, imperceptibly, gradually altering the way in which you view or think of a situation.  When doubt has grown large enough, it reaches out to its friend, fear.  It is at this point, that they begin to lead you away from the path, to prevent you from taking the next step.  Fear and doubt will work hard to prevent your spiritual evolution.  Often, they will make you think that what you dream of, the what lies in your heart, that what gives you passion and purpose in life, is foolish.  They will convince you that it is better to stay where you are, to not risk all that you have gained on the throw of the dice called love.  It is they who will tell you that you are not deserving of such a life, that only the special, the chosen few, the lucky, are worthy of such gifts from the universe.  They are wrong.  There are no words that can be written that can prove this.  No amount of reading words on a page can create that belief within the soul.  The words can inspire, they can excite, they can embolden, but the only way to know for sure is to find the courage from within and to defeat those demons we call fear and doubt.

When the unknown fear is faced, what lies beyond is a void of infinite darkness.  There is no way to see through or around it.  It is like trying to see to the other side of the universe, like trying to see around a mountain.  It is impossible.  But it is not necessary to see through the darkness.  That which is unknown is the treasure waiting to be discovered.  Where would the excitement and surprise of life be, if every answer was known, if it was possible to see every outcome and eventuality?  The darkness is actually a friend.  The darkness needs to be embraced.  If all of the answers were already known, if the direction, route and destination of the path were visible, what then?  Life would become extremely boring and the very thing that gives life its meaning would be lost.  I do not want to read the script of my life, I want to write that script!  I am the author, I am the lead actor and I am the director.  This is the play of my life and it will be the play that I want it to be!  Courage will shine a light through the darkness.  Courage will show the way.  No amount of darkness can stand before the light of courage.  Just as the sun rises to dispel the dark of the night, so to does courage dispel the darkness of the unknown.  With each step taken along the path, the darkness is broken, with each step, the light begins to grow, because with each step, it is you who transforms that darkness into the light.  That power lies inside each and every one of us.

What I find interesting is that when an infant is first born, it knows no sense of fear, because there is no sense of fear.  There is nothing that can stop it, nothing that can hold it back.  Everything is unknown and into that unknown the infant ventures without hesitation.  When an infant first tries to walk, it inevitably falls.  It understands that falling is a necessary part of the learning process.  It knows no fear and so it gets up and it tries again, and again, until it one day it has learned to walk.  Then, at some point, it develops its conscious self and in that moment, it also develops its sense of fear.  So, fear is a learned behaviour and as such, it needs to be unlearned if we are to truly become all that of which we are capable.  And of what you are capable, there is no limit.

Never let fear hold you back from becoming your true self.  Never let doubt cloud your mind.  Never look into the darkness and fail to see the light that shines there as a beacon to guide you on your journey.   You have the courage.  Do not doubt that.  If you know where to look, you can find it.  And when you find the courage, take a breath, take another step, and walk on.  Glory and love await those that walk their one true path.

There is one last thing I want to write on the subject of fear.  My grandfather served as a captain in the army during World War II and was involved in the landings at Normandy.  I recently managed to obtain copies of the memoirs he had written on various aspects of his life.  One of these memoirs dealt with his time in the army and of that fateful day of June 6th, 1944, the day that is now known simply as, D-Day.  He wrote about his experience on that fateful day and he described the terror that all of the men in his landing craft felt, as they crossed the English Channel and headed towards the coast of France.  It is completely impossible to imagine the courage it took to exit that landing craft and to move up the beach during that day in June.  All the men faced a fear so daunting, it beggars belief.  All of the men that day faced a journey into the unknown.  At the moment when they needed to act, at the moment when it was needed the most, they found the courage to take just one more step.  That day, there were thousands of people who faced their fears, who faced their doubts, who faced the unknown and who stared into the dark abyss.  That day, courage gained a new meaning.  That day, fears were overcome.  And for that, no amount of gratitude will ever be enough.  Thank you Pop.  If you are able to read this, then please know that you inspired me and that even if I did not know you as well as I would have liked, I loved you no less.

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Shall I Go Quietly Into That Good Night?

I have a friend who is currently going through the trauma of dealing with something that strikes fear into all of us.  It is the silent killer.  It is the killer that strikes seemingly at random.  It is the killer that cares nothing for all the good you may have done, neither the bad.  It is the killer that creeps up on you, unseen until too late.  Cancer.  With luck, my friend will get through this.  The prognosis has so far been favourable.  Through her, and her vivid and graphic descriptions of the torment and hell that she is going through, it has made me realise the fortune that life has thus far bestowed upon me, and for which I am extremely grateful.  I read her latest chapter this morning, as I lay comfortably in bed, supping from a mug of coffee and I felt nothing but compassion.  Once I had finished reading, I was struck by a thought and a series of questions:-

- What have I done in my life that makes my story worthy of telling?
- What do I really know about life, about hardship and suffering?
- What can I possibly teach people about love, when I am such a failure at it myself?

I've been writing my blog since 10th August 2012.  During that time, I've been viewed nearly 2,200 times.  As far as I am able to tell, amongst those 2,190 views, not one has come from my own family.  Not once, has my father, mother, brother or sister made any comment to me about my writing.  Even it they told me they thought it was terrible, at least I'd know that they had shown an interest.  And it's not as though I didn't share it with them, through e-mails, sending URL links, through conversations and through text messages.  What does that say about what I am trying to do?  What does it mean if my own family, the very people whose opinion matters more to me than any other, do not even deign to give the time to read and to understand what it is that I am trying to do.  On these pages, I am revealing my true self.  I am giving anyone and everyone the chance to know the real me.  I am giving an opportunity that most never give.  And that opportunity is being missed by those persons who I love the most.  What does that say about my worth and my value?  If I cannot even count my own family as fans of what I do?  Perhaps they are right, perhaps this is all nonsense.  Perhaps it is better to stop, to hold my thoughts within, and to go quietly into that good night.

What have I done with my life that is worthy of telling?  I suffered sometimes when I was young and I endured times of bullying and name calling at school.  But who hasn't?  I have been in a constant battle with my weight and my self image for as long as I have a memory.  In that, I know I am not alone.  I failed at school and left without reaching anywhere near my full potential.  There is no one else I can blame for that, other than myself.  I didn't work hard enough, I didn't put in the time, I rebelled and looked for the easy option.  I began my working life in a factory, on a production line.  I am certainly not the only person to do so, but what separates me from other people who began their working lives in the same way, and who perhaps had little or no choice in the matter, is that I chose it.  It seems that I purposely sought out failure.  That I purposely strove to under achieve.

Through hard work and endeavour, I was able to rectify some of my mistakes.  I found a job more suitable to my skills and abilities.  I progressed up the career ladder.   And with that progress came the material fruits of success that we think are so important.  My career allowed me to travel on business and to see the world.  My career allowed me to live overseas, to experience a new culture, to make new friends.  And what did I do with this career that was so good to me?  I walked away from it.  I threw it away, I sold it and I gave it way.  And with it, I disposed of everything else that was associated with it.  I deconstructed my life.  I set myself back to where I had been at the very beginning, only perhaps now, there was no way to start over.  Perhaps now, I am further behind than I ever was.  Once again, I strove to destroy me life.

With my love life, I have been the architect of all of my problems.  I chose the wrong people to fall in love with.  I pursued love that was unworthy of me.  I chased the love of which I believed I was deserving.  It is my fault that I am yet to find lasting love with that special someone.  There is no remarkable tragedy, no huge injustice, worthy of a Hollywood movie.  Just a series of poor choices and judgement calls.  If my love life were a movie, you would be waiting a long time for any happy ending.  You would give up part way through watching, you would lose any empathy and you would become frustrated at seeing someone persevere, where there was simply no hope of success.  So what can I teach about love?  I have never had a conventional long term relationship.  I have never known the feelings of deep comfort and security that come from sharing your life with a loving partner.  Doesn't that make me a hypocrite?  Doesn't that make whatever I write about love to be false?

I have no riveting story to tell.  Many of the people I have met along my journey seem to think that I possess a story that is worthy and deserving of being told.  My blog has been my attempt to do just that.  I didn't begin to write because someone told me to do it, I began to write because finally I wanted to achieve something that I have long harboured as a desire.  But what do I really have to say?  I am after all, just an ordinary man, doing ordinary things and I am the architect and the creator of all that has happened to me.  All of the good and all of the bad.  It has all been created by my hand.

But did I really create all this by myself?  What is it that has driven me forward throughout my entire life?  I have never sat and bemoaned any of the situations in which I found myself.  No, sorry, that is not true.  I have done that, I am no different to anyone else in needing time to understand, to comprehend the situation.  But I never sit idle for long.  I am driven by a strong and deep desire to do more, to be more, to be better than I am today.  Where does this come from?  The answer is simply that it comes from my heart.  Perhaps I have been fortunate to discover the power that resides inside of my heart earlier in life than others.  I can see when I look back on the choices I have made in life, that one thing is abundantly clear: Every choice has been made by my heart.  Perhaps it is this, that is the story I have to tell.  Perhaps this is the message I need to share.

I do know that each of us has our own path in life and none of those paths can ever be the same.  Each is unique, each has its own story, its own time and its own place.  It is difficult to understand what is happening to us and why it is happening to us, when we are caught up in the maelstrom.  Only after, when we sit down in the quiet aftermath, can we comprehend it.  Every thing happens for a reason, and that reason is to drive you onwards towards your spiritual evolution.  Maybe I didn't need to suffer the way others have to suffer in order to understand the message of life.  Perhaps, I was fortunate to have formed a connection with my heart from an early age.

Maybe, the value in my life is simply this:  I am an ordinary person, there is nothing special or remarkable about me.  I have never claimed to be any different, nor do I seek to be.  I am only that which I am.  And perhaps, through expressing myself here, through the pages of this blog, I can reach through to others who also consider themselves ordinary.  Perhaps, with my words, I can inspire change, I can inspire personal growth, and I can inspire a spiritual evolution.  When you read the stories of history, the names and the deeds of the heroes are always mentioned.  But in every story, there are astounding deeds of bravery and heroism committed by many, who forever remain nameless.  Each of us is a hero.  Each of us has a remarkable story to tell.

Let make one thing very clear.  I shall never go quietly into that good night.  Any person that I have ever encountered since I found my voice, since I began to discover the real me, will know that I never go quietly.  I never give up the fight until I know in my heart that it is lost.  And I will never change.  I will keep on striving forward.  I will continue to follow my heart.  I will continue to walk my one true path.  And if this is a story that is worthy of telling, then I will tell it.  I trust it to you to decide whether there is worthiness in my words.  Whether you can find meaning in what I say.  I hope that you stay with me on the journey. 

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The Teachings of the One True Path

The Teachings of the One True Path

The teacher was seated on a small wooden bench on the grass, in the shade of an old yew tree that had seen the summers of one hundred years.  The students would never have guessed it, but the yew tree had seen almost as many summers as the teacher that sat before them.  In front of the teacher, sitting in silence waiting, were the students.  "Are there any questions you would like to ask?"

All of the students remained silent until one had the courage to raise their hand.  The teacher inclined his head and smiled for the student to continue.  "Why is it that you always appear to be so happy, even when so many things are wrong in this world?"

"Because the light will always shine on those that find the courage to walk their one true path", replied the teacher, remembering that it had not always been this way and that there was always a price to be paid for the happiness.

"What is the one true path?", asked another student, who was now feeling emboldened because the silence had been broken. 

"The one true path is the path of love.  It is the walking of your one true path where you will discover the ultimate gift, which is the love of self.  Through walking your one true path you will find your purpose in life and through that purpose you will enjoy a deep sense of inner peace and happiness in your soul." 

"Can there be more than one path?", asked the same student.

"Yes.  There are many paths that you can walk in life and each of them can teach us the lessons of life.  But there can only be one true path for each of us.  That is the path that gives our lives their true meaning.  That is the path that has been placed in front of you by God.  By walking your one true path, not only are you fulfilling your own destiny, you are fulfilling the work of God."

"Will we learn more of life's lessons on the one true path because that is the path God intended for us?"  All of the students now wanted to ask questions and become involved in the discussion.  Just as in life, it only takes one drop of water to breach the dam and the rest will soon follow.

"No. The lessons of life can be equally learned along any of the paths that you walk.  Often, it is the wrong path that teaches us more and the wrong path can often reveal to us our true purpose and our right direction.  Every path has value and it is for the walker of that path to understand the lesson that is being taught.  Only when that lesson is understood can the walker move on towards their true path."

"What if I don't understand the lesson that is being shown to me?", asked another different voice.

"If you fail to understand a lesson that you must learn in order to progress and evolve, then the universe will create the opportunity to teach it to you again and again, until finally you comprehend its meaning.  You could find yourself continuing to walk the path that you are on until that lesson is learned, or you might find that the same lesson is repeated on a different path.  When this happens, the lesson could wear a different guise, so that at first you do not recognise it when it appears, but the lesson will always carry with it the same meaning.  For some people, all of the lessons that they need to learn in life appear to them on their one true path.  Remember always, that the journey is different for every person." 

"How do you know if you are walking your one true path?", one of the students asked.

"How do you know that you have to breath?", asked the teacher in return.

"I - I just know it.", the student replied.  "I feel it and I do it without even thinking about it."

"Exactly.  And so it is with the one true path.  If you have to ask yourself the question, is this my one true path? then you cannot be walking your true path.  When you are on your right path, you will know it.  You will feel it from a place that is deep within you.  A place that you never knew existed before.  Love and happiness will permeate throughout your body, your soul and your mind, and it will flow outwards from you and it will pervade everything that you do."

"How do I find my one true path?"

"That is simple, you follow your heart.  I, like many others, hold the belief that the power of the universe resides within each of us in the form of our hearts.  That power can be called many things.  Whether you decide to name that power God or Allah, or any other name, it is one and the same thing.  The power of the universe is the force that creates.  It is the Creator.  Therefore, if you are following your heart, you are also doing that which the universe intended for you.  Your heart will always lead you in the right direction, even if you are not conscious of what it is doing.  Your heart will seek out that which you need and it will bring it to you.  Only you can decide whether or not you wish to see it, to see the opportunity that has been placed before you, and to accept the love that is being offered to you."

"If God is in our hearts, does that mean that he is not in Heaven and that there is no such thing as Heaven?", the student seemed concerned about this.

"No.  I believe that Heaven and Hell exist as concepts.  Imagine leading a life where you are never at peace with yourself, where you feel a sadness inside, you feel unfilled and empty, you yearn to do something different but you cannot, you feel fear, you feel resentment towards others that have achieved their dreams in life, you do not experience the power of love, and you harbour regrets about the things that you have not done.  That for me would be a living hell.  Now imagine the opposite.  You feel happy and content with life, you do not live with fear, you view each day as an opportunity, you carry no regrets, you feel a happiness that permeates throughout your body and soul, you express love because you feel love from the inside of your core, and you see the good in every one and every thing.  That would encapsulate the spirit and meaning of Heaven."

"Where do I begin to find my one true path?"

"You take a moment and steel yourself.  You take a deep breath.  You find the courage in you heart.  And you take the first step into the dark abyss of the unknown that awaits you."

"But what if I don't know in which direction to walk?"

"Imagine that you are walking in a large forest and that you have become lost.  How would you find your way home?  You would try each path in turn until you discovered the one that was right, until you found the one that led you back home.  It is the same with the one true path.  To seek, is to try.  To try, is to walk.  And to walk, is everything.  All that matters is that you take the first step and then another.  You must begin to walk.  If you do not walk, then there you have no chance to discover the direction that is the right one for you.  By walking, you will eventually find the one true path, even if you have to walk several paths before you find it.  Each of those paths will teach you something and prepare you for all that is to come."

"Why are some people more fortunate than others and seem to find their path easily?"

"How do you know that these people are more fortunate than any other person?  That is only the way in which you might perceive them because now that they walk their one true path, they always appear to be happy to you.  You do not know the battles that they have faced to get to where they are.  You do not know the battles that still lay in wait for them along their path.  You do not know of the struggles that they have needed to overcome and the nights when utter despair and torment took them.  Never judge one person against another.  Remember that each of our path's is different and that sometimes the greatest stories of heroism in life remain forever untold."

"What if I keep trying different paths and I never find the one that is right for me?"

"Then you are not walking with your eyes open to the simple and plain truth.  The universe is always attempting to reveal to each of us our one true path.  It will manifest it before you on many occasions until you acknowledge it and until you begin to walk along it.  And the universe will continue to do this until that moment when you draw your last and final breath.  If you are not finding the path that is the right one for you, then it is simply because you look but you do not see.  It might be that you believe yourself to be undeserving of the one true path, because that is the path of light."

"You have talked about the path of light and you said that the light will always shine on those that walk their one true path.  What do you mean by the light?"

"The light is the glow of love that basks us in all of its glory, when we discover our true purpose in life and when we walk the one true path.  The love that we feel is generated at the centre of the universe and is freely available to all those who wish to receive it.  Not every person understands that love is not conditional on another person and that love is readily available, if they would just reach out their hand and take it."

"Why is that?  If this love is freely available to all people, then why wouldn't they wish to receive it?"

"Simply because they believe that they are undeserving of receiving such a love."

"What makes us think that we are undeserving of receiving love?"

"There are many factors that influence us, but in most cases, it is because of the way we were raised as children or because of some traumatic episode that occurred when we were young.  As children, we are very impressionable, so if our parents do not give to us the amount of love and attention that we need, our minds are impregnated with the thought that we must be undeserving of their love.  We plant the seed of that thought at the very core of our being.  Each time something happens to us that reinforces the belief that we are undeserving of love, we water the seed and it begins to grow.  Eventually, it eclipses our true soul and it becomes the way in which we think of ourselves.  From the point that this happens, we will always believe that we are undeserving of love."

"Then why don't all parents love their children in the way that they need?  Then every person would feel that they deserved love."

"Let me ask you this in return, how do you know how much love another soul requires to quench its thirst?"

The student looked abashed and stared at the ground for a few moments, then answered, "I would give as much love to my child as I was able to give."

"Quite right, and that is all that you can do."  The teacher smiled at the student to give reassurance.  After all, what good is a student who stops listening because he believes that he has made a mistake and feels embarrassed in front of his peers?  In life, there are no stupid questions, since without the questions we can never learn and we can never evolve.  "Many parents give as much love as they are able, but through the demands of modern life, the amount of time they are able to give is not enough for the child.  It is not their fault.  That faults lies with society and the way we are being conditioned to live.  There are some parents that fall into the trap of thinking that if they provide a comfortable home and fill it with rich material possessions, and give to their child every thing that it demands, that they are creating a loving and nurturing environment.  This is not true.  If it were, then all children born into poor homes would be loveless, which is certainly not the case.  So, these parents work long hours and prioritise work and careers over time spent with their children, in their misguided beliefs and they fail to understand until it is too late, that time with your child cannot be purchased at any price because that is the most precious thing of all.  And it is time spent with your child that provides the child with everything that it needs.  Because all a child really needs is to feel loved.

Silence fell over the garden.  Only the gentle hum of the bees and the songs of summer birds in the trees interrupted the quiet.  It felt like perhaps the class was over, until one of the students, raised their hand and asked, "Why is there so much evil in the world?"

"What is evil?  Evil is a word created to describe something that goes against the morals that you believe in.  Let me tell you a short story.  There was once a small uninhabited island in the middle of the ocean.  This island was equally as close to two different nations and each of those nations made a claim to the island.  The politicians of each nation talked and negotiated with each other but they were never able to reach an agreement.  Eventually, each of the nations declared war on the other.  The politicians of each side told the people of their nation that the people of the other nation they were now at war against, were all perpetrators of evil.  All of the soldiers who fought in this war firmly believed that they had the just and the right cause and many of them died for that cause.  Prayers were offered by each nation to the same god, appealing for the god to help them, to protect them and to help them win, since it was they who fought for the just cause.  Each side captured some of the other side's soldiers and when they met them and spoke with them, they discovered that they were in fact no different from themselves.  They too had exactly the same needs and wants in life, and they too had been told that the other nation was a nation of evil.  In the end, the politicians agreed to share the island, something that had been discussed before the war started and had been rejected, since neither side wished to look weak and lose face to the other.  So you see, to decide what is evil in this world, it really depends on your own personal point of view and in those things in which you believe.  The only real evil in the story was that of the politicians because through their reluctance to reach an agreement and to negotiate a peaceful solution in the beginning, they showed a total disregard for the price of a human life and they cost the lives of many innocent people.  And what is the price you can put on the miracle of life?"

"But there is so much bad that happens in the world.  If there is a supreme power, why does it allow so many bad things to continue to happen?"

"Every person has his or her own path to walk in life.  You can regard those paths as threads in the weave of all of the universe and all of life.  If you look at a tapestry that hangs on the wall, what do you see?  You see many different threads all interweaving to create one single, coherent picture.  To create the picture, each thread must have a different colour, each thread is but one part of the entire story.  And so it is with life.  All of the paths that are walked interweave to create everything that we see around us.  Every person walks a different path.  Every person needs to learn in order to evolve their spirit.  Some of the lessons of life are learned by the need to do good and some of those lessons are learned by the need to do bad.  In order for us to perceive the good, we need to have a notion of what is bad.  Therefore, good and bad must be created in equal measure.  The balance must always be maintained.  In this universe there is matter and anti-matter, and just as the Chinese have their ying and the yang, so there is the good and there is the bad."

"So you are saying that there will always be people who must do bad things?"

"Yes.  Gradually, the collective spirit of humanity will evolve.  What you think of as bad now will no longer be true.  History has shown us that slowly we are evolving as a race.  Many of the things that we might have considered at one time to be bad have been slowly eradicated.  For example, slavery, racism and sexism.  Societies are working towards equality and freedom for all.  And slowly all of society evolves and moves forward towards the good.  But the target is always moving and it is always changing, since societies are constantly redefining it.  What was once accepted as normal is now abhorred.  Without the need to regard something as bad, it could not have been eradicated.  Humanity would cease to evolve its spiritual collective. And that is why there will always be bad things that happen in this world, because humanity must continue along its path of spiritual evolution, spiritual growth and learning."

"But humanity is destroying so much life and the planet in the process.  Why is that allowed to happen?"

"There is a lesson that must being learned by all of humanity.  Humanity needs to understand that is does not hold dominion over life or over this planet.  It is life that holds dominion over everything.  The lesson might unfortunately be learned at a very high cost, but it will be learned by the last of us.  In the very moment when all is lost, enlightenment will be found and the lesson will be understood.  It might be too late for humanity, but life will continue because life cannot be denied.  It has always been this way and it will continue to be this way, until everything has reached its point of ultimate evolution."    

"Does everything evolve?"

"Yes.  Every single thing in the universe follows its own path.  The air that you are breathing.  The blade of grass in this lawn.  The bird in the tree.  The fish in the ocean.   The pebble at the beach.  The moon and the sun.  Each of you.  Me.  In fact, the entire universe is in a constant state of evolution.  All things came from the one thing only.  And so, all things are seeking to return to that one thing.  That is their destiny.  That is where the paths on which they walk will lead them."

"What is the one thing?", many different voices asked, as all of the students were eager to know this.

"The one thing is love."

The teacher stood and the students knew without asking that the discussion was ended.  Each walked away in silence, lost in their own thoughts, contemplating all that had been said.   There was much to consider.

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