The Only Way To Discover True Happiness

The sound reverberates through the ocean. It's strong and powerful, like a bow pulled achingly slowly across the strings of a double bass, a deep, sonorous tone, that resonates through the water.  Powerful and strong, definitely, but there is something else too.  It's hauntingly beautiful, majestic, it feels almost sad, like the call of a broken heart reaching out across the vastness of space and time for its lost love.  But this is no broken hearted soul, this is the call of a humpback whale and I am lucky to find myself here, immersed under the ocean, bearing witness to this miracle of life.  Is it a question of luck, or is it perhaps something else that brought me to this moment of incredible beauty?

Some days I wonder.  No, let me say that again.  Every day I wonder, but there are some moments when I think to myself whether there is something special about me and what I have done with my life.  I really do not think so.  I am no braggart, in fact, I am nothing if not humble about everything that has happened to me.  My life has been mixed.  I've suffered some debilitating lows, perhaps too many, too often.  I am no different to most in that.  Each time I found myself in those situations, something has spoken to me, called me back from the bleakness, pulled my eyes around to see the small flicker of light, a flame that might wax and wain, but will never be truly extinguished.  It is my heart that called to me and it always spoke to me in these moments of despair, and when it did, it spoke to me of hope.

I clung to hope.  Sometimes desperately, as if I were cast adrift in the vast dizziness of open space, and this one small thing was all that kept me from falling into utter darkness.  There were times when I contemplated suicide, when I thought that perhaps it would be the easier option, the way out.  I felt in these moments that my life would never amount to anything, that I was desperately unlucky in life, destined to live a cold and lonely existence, full of sadness, full of regret for not being all that I could be, if only I had the chance.  The problem with depression, and for anyone who is unfortunate to have been there, is that you are swallowed by it, utterly and completely.  Hopelessness takes a firm hold and there seems to be nothing that you can do, even though there are answers and there are ways out of the abyss of darkness, back to the light once more.

What I failed to understand was that I was the key.  My happiness didn't depend on someone else, it depended on one person, and one person only: me.  I always looked to someone else to make me happy.  I thought that the path to my happiness was going to be found in love for another person, that this was what would make me finally fulfilled in my life.  I put all of my efforts into this one thing and in the process of doing so, I forgot about myself, my true self.  Each time I met someone, I wanted to please them, I wanted desperately to make the relationship work, and I would alter myself to fit to the other person.  I stopped being the real me and I become some other form of myself, an altered state that could only ever be temporary.  That could never work in the long term because at some point, my true self would begin to resurrect itself, to assert itself once more, to shake off the shackles in which I had bound it.  As I write this, I've just had this realistion: that I did exactly the same with everyone.  I altered myself to fit with the preconceived ideas I had about how I should act.  I did it with my parents, my brother and my sister, with friends, teachers, colleagues.  It was not until I moved overseas that I was able to find the real me and to have the confidence to let him come out.  That process began in Budapest and it continued through the years that followed, as I allowed my true self to emerge from its cocoon.  It is when I do the things I love, that I truly become myself, when I let my true soul fly free.  

The path to true happiness is simple.  Be yourself.  It sounds simple enough, but it is not.  I could not be my true self until I began to walk my path, my true path.  In the moment that I did, everything changed.  I chose to follow the voice of my heart, I listened to my inner voice, the voice that will only ever guide you true.  My luck changed, not because of anything that any one else did, not because the stars aligned above me, it changed simply because I opened myself up to the possibilities of life.  And the moment that I did that, life found me and enclosed me in all its wonder.

I am no different to anyone else, I do not see myself as special, nor do I possess a unique gift or talent.  What I have done, you can also achieve.  Everyone has this potential.  You too have this ability.  Do not be afraid to be your true self.  The person that you find will surprise and amaze you.  Listen to your heart.  Hear its message and its call and do not be afraid to follow it.  Wherever it takes you, it will change you forever and will give you the opportunity to discover true happiness.  Forget what others will tell you of the foolishness of your idea and plans, forget what the society tries to tell you is the right way to live a life.  There is only truly ever one way, and that is the way of your heart.  Go follow it.   

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The Fight of Fear and Hope

"We have lost."

It was a bitter statement to hear.  Worse, there was truth in those words.  No matter how Jaeke looked upon their predicament, he knew that he would need a miracle if he was to safe this day.  This day.  Everything had led them to this one single day, when all would be decided.  Not even a day would decide.  Jaeke knew that in the battle, it was a single moment that decided it.  A moment when time itself seized to exist and a lightning fast decision was needed.  No, not a decision.  An instinct.  Everything in the battle happened by instinct, everything happened as the heart willed it.  The head knew the forms to make, it instructed the arms to move this way and that, the legs to move forward and back.  But it was the heart that led the dance.  Every true soldier knew that.  Surrender yourself to your heart and walk forward into the battle.

Now the battle was lost.  This battle, the battle that marked the climax of all things.  Jaeke had never meant for it to happen in this way, but some how, everything had conspired to make it so.  Life was like that it seemed.  You could try to keep it at bay, try to push it back, to take one thing at a time, but when life decided, everything came at once.  The dam was broken, the waters rushed and surged forth, the torrent that changed all things, and nothing could stand in its wake.

Jaeke looked up at Daughtry.  He was a good man, a strong man.  Both of them had fought together in this fight as brothers.  In truth, they were brothers.  They had shared drink, food, women and blood.  They had shared the fight.  They had watched friends fall by the wayside.  They had shared pain and doubt.  Didn't that make them brothers?  Didn't that make them more than brothers?  Perhaps we do not share the same mother and father, but I would die for that man, thought Jaeke as he saw the tiredness that was etched around the eyes of his friend.  Would this really be the end?  Right here, in this godforsaken hell in which they had found themselves.

Jaeke stood up and placed an arm around his old companion.  He wanted to reassure him, to give him some of his own strength, well, what little of his own strength remained.  He would spare some for this man.  Share one last thing with him at least.  Jaeke looked about him.  He saw the darkness of the ever oppressive clouds, those clouds that pushed down on a man, as if they willed him into submission.  He saw blackened skies, as the dark tendrils of smoke that rose up from the fires of the battlefield fed the bleakness above.  He saw fallen soldiers, mutilated bodies of men, of dogs, and of horses all alike.  He saw a barren, lifeless, scorched earth, that had once been full of trees that reached for the skies, endless fields of grass, and flowers that had bloomed in the springtime warmth and sun.  How long ago was that now?  Yes, he decided, it was all lost.  And worse, he felt the whisper of despair, "We have lost."  His hand, with fingers wrapped around the hilt of his blade, wanted to loosen its grip, to drop his sword, to give up the fight.  There was nothing that could be done now.  There was only darkness, there was only the deep abyss.  It would be so easy to step into the nothingness and end all of the suffering.

Jaeke looked across the battle field one last time.  The sight of it threatened to overwhelm him in grief.  He raised his eyes to the skies, he wanted to shout "Why?" and then it happened.  For a brief moment, the darkness parted, the smoke rolled back, the clouds split and there, in that tiny gap, there was light.  And what a glorious light it was!  In the beat of a heart, it was gone.  But it had been enough.  Jaeke now knew the answer.

"Daughtry, my old friend.  We have not lost.  There is and there always will be hope.  And to that we must cling.  The light will always exist, and if the light exists, then so too does love, because love is the light and the light is love.  If you can still draw a breath, then there is hope my friend!  This may be our final moment together, we may never leave this field, but I'll tell you this: we shall go out fighting like we have never fought before and we shall make fear pay a heavy price for denying us our dreams!"

Together, they rejoined the battle.  Together, they raised their swords and that day, they slew down the enemy.  In a time that would come later, a song would be sung for the heroes of this battle.  But it was not this day.  This was the day, when the light of hope vanquished the darkness of fear.  And so it has been ever since.

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The Spark of Love And The Spring of Hope

This morning, I felt inspired to write some words on the topics of love and of hope.  I took my original words and I have adapted them into poetic verse.  I hope you like them. 

The Spark  of Love

Open your heart,

Let yourself be free, 

Give yourself to the moment,

And there!

It begins.

The spark that ignites,

The tinder that burns to a flame,

That becomes passion,

That endures,

To become,

Love.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The Spring of Hope

From the spring of hope,

Shall we drink,

To fill our hearts,

With its warmth and its glow.

And once we have drunk our fill,

When we have quenched our thirst,

Only then shall we step,

Back out onto the field,

To rejoin the battle,

To wield our sword,

To raise our shield,

And to confront our mortal enemy,

As it always has been,

As it will always be,

Once more,

We fight against,

Fear.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

More of my poetry can be found in my book, Poems From The Path, available from all Amazon sites in Kindle e-book format.  Wisdom, inspiration, truth, honesty, love.

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A Letter To Life

This morning, I decided to write a letter to Life.
 

Dear Life,

You can knock me sideways and you can knock me down. Every time that you do, know that I will climb back to my feet and I will stand tall and firm once more, ready for the next blow.  For as surely as the sun shines, I know that the blow will come again.  And when it does, I will be ready.  When that blow comes, I will raise my shield of faith and I will deflect the blow.  I will wield my sword of hope and I will strike back at you.  The more we dance the dance of battle, the more I will learn.  Eventually, there will come a day when you will teach me all that I need to learn.  When that day comes I will finally vanquish you and I will stand victorious, in the knowledge that I persevered, that I never, for one moment gave up on my dreams.  That day will only come when I finally understand that truth of what it is that you show me.  When that day comes, when the moment is upon us, know this Life: I will defeat you.  

I want you to know and understand this Life, because there will be some days when I may be down, but you will never, ever, defeat me, as long as I hold onto faith and hope, and continue to follow my heart.

Always and forever your friend,

Andy.

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